FC Mom

FC Mom Identity Crisis

2010-06-04T12:55:00.003-04:00

I am having a major problem in my blog life.
I AM NOT SURE I AM FC MOM.

I am an FC Mom, but that is not only who I am, so I'm struggling with what to post here. Anything local to my city I post on Stamford Talk. That 's where I talk about movie stars I see, funny local encounters, and local issues. I love that blog. I will never give it up as long as I live in Stamford. I AM Stamford Talk, I know that, even if I'm more occupied with my baby than exploring my city, I will ALWAYS want to write about and explore where I live and who I live near. That's set.

But, me as a person, and my thoughts about parenting and teaching and subjects like Lady Gaga and Montessori and the other million things I like- I'm just not sure where that should go. I can't post about Lost on FC Mom. That's not my mom life. Thats my me life. I know they are the same, but I need ONE BLOG NAME that can capture that. FC Mom is not it.

Crap.
What do I do?

Do I go back to Fancy Pancakes, my pre-baby personal blog? I don't make as many Fancy Pancakes because I'm not around my pancake-loving niece and nephews as much. I don't feel like Fancy Pancakes any more, although that was a fabulous time on my life where I got to focus on my nephews, and then my husband, and then my niece.

Any blog I do is going to have a lot of parenting stuff, I don't doubt that- but- OK actually I DO have another blog name ready, and I already got it on blogger, but I'm waiting to make sure I really want to do it. It's funny. It's good. I'm just making sure it's the RIGHT name for me. I'm not sure it is. It's close. But I'm not sure it's perfect. I'm going to go think about it.

With a margarita.

Beaba Products for Baby Self-Feeding

2010-05-23T06:47:00.006-04:00

As baby is wanting to feed himself more, I'm loving these Beaba spoons I got at Giggle. They're the perfect length and width. The handle is wide for baby to hold. The spoon is big enough for baby to get a decent amount of food on it. The handle is short enough that baby can easily aim the spoon to his mouth before all the food falls off.

Plus, the colors are ADORABLE!!!!

You may have heard of the Beaba brand because of its popular steamer/food processor in one for homemade baby food. I never got much into that, but Beaba certainly is impressing me with its baby feeding accessories.

The spoons come in a spoon and fork set, but we have really only used the spoons so far. The short spoons are much better than the longer Beaba spoons that come in a set of four spoons- the long spoons are fine for parent-feeding, but for self-feeding they are just too long and thin for baby to use effectively. Giggle rocks it as usual!

I also recently bought some Beaba cups. I wanted plastic cups for baby to learn how to drink from a cup, since he always chomps on my glass cups that I share with him. I didn't want cheap "Cars" plastic cups. I didn't want lidded cups. I didn't want cups with a thick lip. I just wanted a damn plastic cup made of material the baby couldn't chew through... enter these frigging adorable cups from Beaba that I found at in the awesome baby section at Bed Bath. (I can't find it on the Bed Bath online site, but Babies R Us carries it.)

The cup is lightweight enough so baby can hold. It's SMALL enough that he can easily get his mouth around it the edge. It's small and shallow enough that it only holds a small amount of water, so when baby dumps it all over himself, as he inevitably does, he's not completely drenched. Before he drenches himself, he's able to drink from a cup on his own.

Love it!

Nice Comments Keep a Busy Mom Going

2010-05-18T06:31:00.003-04:00

Someone said something really nice about my teaching yesterday, and it gave me a needed boost.

She sees me teach on a regular basis- daily- and she said I was a really great teacher, that I knew a lot about English, and that she felt that she had learned a lot from me. Yesterday was a rushed, tiring day, and I needed to hear that in the middle of my day.

Teachers really need this feedback from other adults, because you just don't get that kind of recognition from tweens. (You get other good stuff from them- their humor, their affection, their kindness, their intelligence, and it's awesome- but recognition as a professional, not explicitly.)

As I am teaching, I am usually thinking the other adults in the room (special education teacher, aides, maybe a speech pathologist doing a once weekly visit) are thinking, "Wow she is so boring! Why can't she find her overheads? Is she talking about topic sentences again?!?" It's intimidating that people might see you at your worst (some days are TOUGH to be patient), but to know that overall people think you're great is reassuring.

I bet we all need that, no matter if it's our job, our marriage, our parenting... right?

Another mom last week gave me very positive feedback about my writing instruction, and to have her notice the work I'm doing with her child means a lot, because writing, and teaching it, and getting my students to a) enjoy it and b) improve is a major priority for me.

Off to work, and another rushed day of dropping off AND picking up the kid, since the husband now commutes into NYC for at least the first half of each week. Sigh.

Loft Nursery: Pretty But Unsafe. DUH.

2010-05-16T06:58:00.005-04:00

It really is funny when the baby design/decor blog Ohdeedoh by Apartment Therapy features TOTALLY UNSAFE NURSERIES. Previously I posted about a nursery with a step ladder up to a window and too widely-spaced crib bars. Today Ohdeedoh has a nursery in a LOFT... with OPEN railings.

And the crib and changing table are right against the railings! Reader comments are appropriately along the lines of, "Are you FREAKING SERIOUS?"

See the whole post to view reader comments and see the "before" photo of the loft when it was an office.

Photos of Babywearing Dads

2010-04-26T06:58:00.001-04:00

This site of photos of babywearing dads is rather endearing. A couple ladies I follow on Twitter created it!

Pop Goes the Weasel Gets Philosophical

2010-04-19T11:36:00.005-04:00

I just noticed these lyrics to "Pop Goes the Weasel:"

You may try to sew and sew
And never make anything regal
So roll it up and let it go
Pop -- goes the weasel!

I love it. It's another way of saying, "Take it easy on yourself!" which is one of my life philosophies.

Lest ye think I am a total slacker, there are areas in which I'm highly driven: mainly my writing, which is why, after I took a summer writing course, my husband (then-boyfriend) said, "Do you promise never to take another class again?" because I was so obsessive about my researching, writing, and revising. I'd stay up til 1am, completely immersed in it, then get up at 6am to ger ready to drive to Fairfield. I loved every second of that physically and emotionally tiring class.

Teaching, I work hard at, but it's an art in which going for perfection is a BAD idea since it involves the precious little souls of kids. For that, I say, Set extremely high standards, give them tons of attention and feedback, then roll it up and let it go. Same for parenting: Give it your all, then roll it up and let it go. You cannot control another person. You can just give them your best.

Caption: my friends sewing and knitting while I organize my iPhoto on our Woodstock Crafting Weekend, Winter 2007. Did I care that I can't craft? Nope, I rolled it up and let it go and did not compare myself to other (craftier) people. Note: my hair is NOT this long any more.

I absolutely adore music- always have. I used to sing in a 100+ person chorus until voice problems forced me to stop (and to take a year off of teaching, but that's another story). The people in this chorus were so good that I was pretty much the worst person even though I'm decent. Anyway, I'm happy the kid is at an age where I can tell he enjoys music, so I've created a "Q mix" for him on the iPod with all of the good songs from the CDs I downloaded from my sister a couple of years ago- the sister with three kids- so I have loads of great music to play for him- and me-, including several version of "Pop Goes the Weasel."

You can try to sew and sew...

Take it easy on yourself. That's the advice I gave today to a colleague who's returning from her maternity leave and is going to pump at work... set the standard you want for youself, and then take it easy on yourself. Hard-working people often don't enjoy themselves like they should, because while it's great to set high standards, you also have to enjoy life, and sometimes that means doing a little less amazing job than you'd like. Now that I have limited time for my writing, I've had to force myself to set lower standards. It's hard, but I'd never publish a darn thing unless I gave myself permission to just do a good enough job.

Words for the Worst Situation

2010-04-18T08:37:00.001-04:00

In the early days with your baby, you worry about SIDS.
When they start to approach a year, you think you're safe.

Well, two weeks ago, one of the kids my baby attended daycare with passed away in his sleep at home. He was just 3 days older than my baby and had just turned one. It was shocking news. I'm not really sure of the cause of death, but he was not ill. I shed many tears for that little boy's parents and for the unfairness of life that takes away something so precious. I didn't blog about it earlier because I didn't feel I had anything adequate to say.

Today I just want to point out a website that tells you what NOT to say to someone who has lost a child. The post is called “When a friend’s child dies. Part 2: What not to say.” It’s written by Kristine McCormick, who lost her days old daughter, Cora, to undiagnosed congenital heart disease.

I like that Kristine tells you not just what NOT to say, but what you can say INSTEAD. I know I was really nervous about what to say to the baby’s parents at the wake, but I wanted to go so they knew that I was thinking about them and that I’d miss their son. In the end I kept it simple, saying how sorry I was and that I was thinking of them every day, and would continue to think of them every day. It was certainly the truth.

Kristine’s site, Cora's Story, is a good resource. If you find yourself in the same situation as me, maybe you can use it to get ready to talk to the parent who has lost a child. I know I felt like I had NOTHING valuable to say, so I tried to think ahead of time what I'd say. This site would have been helpful because it lists more sensitive things to say to grieving parents.

You can also check out another post by Kristine, “When a friend's child dies. Part 1: How can I help? What to do when your friend’s baby or child dies.” What an awful thing to think about, but as I recently was reminded, these horrible things DO happen to people we know..

I appreciate that Kristine has a whole site set up for Cora's memory, for raising awareness of congenital heart disease, and for helping other people.

Baby Gear: White Noise Machine

2010-04-15T06:43:00.004-04:00

I'm kicking myself for not getting this handy device earlier. I live in a house with very squeaky, cracky wooden floors. After I put baby in his crib and try to walk quietly away, I cannot even tell you how loud the floor is, even under the carpet we put down. I finally shelled out fifty bucks for a simple but effective white noise machine and boy, do I love it. I really think it helps the baby sleep better. (Well, he's now a toddler since he can RUN.) This is one thing that falls into the "must have for new parents" category.

I first encountered this white noise machine on a trip to Virginia with my whole family when baby Q was 3 months old. My sister brought the white noise machine with her from Mississippi so her kids could sleep through the noise out in the kitchen/living room of our rented cottage. I know there are many types of white noise machines, but I like that this one is mechanical rather than electronic. It sucks the air in rather than being a recording of white noise, and you can adjust the tone to be sharper or more dull.

The other good thing about this simple machine is that it has so few buttons that it does not really attract the baby's attention, so I can leave it on the floor of his room without him messing with it too much. And even if he does mess with it, there is not that much he can do to it, except make it a little louder or give it a little higher or lower tone.

My Little Bully; Or, Baby's Social Life at Daycare

2010-04-13T06:49:00.006-04:00

Now, you should NOT joke about the word bully, but I'm not sure how else to describe a kid who repeatedly pushes the other kids down and thinks it's funny.
That's the baby's latest trick at daycare, and I have to admit, I find it both horrifying AND entertaining.

Last week the baby busted into the older infant room next door. He was thrilled to see new toys. I was sitting on the ground watching him. He ran down to one end of the room (yes, he runs now!) to play with the toy kitchen, then came back to the end of the room where I was sitting next to a toy piano. Another boy (younger than Q but bigger and also walking) wandered near the piano. My baby walked quickly up to him and without slowing down, shoved the boy in the face and knocked him down. I grabbed Q so he wouldn't fall on the other little boy and said, "Q, what was that?" and then, "Sorry, Ryan!" I thought maybe my baby was not aware of the cause-effect part of walking directly into someone....

Until yesterday, when I realized that knocking other kids down is the baby's new game.

This is not good. The other part of the game is where he actually chases the other kid, then shoves him. This is not good either, because chasing a new walker (sorry, Colin!) and knocking him down from behind is just not cool.

Yesterday when I picked Q up at daycare, I had to run around after him preventing him from mauling baby Colin, who, although sturdy, is still a new walker whose balance and falling skills are still developing. Fortunately, Colin knows how to fight Q off, for the most part. I was pleased to see that Colin has learned to grab at Q's face in an attempt to knock him down before Q can get him down.

In a way, it is hilarious to see my baby acting this way. To see this side of his personality... to see him grown up enough to be a bully... I feel like he was just an infant! Now he's the daycare bully! They grow up so fast. (I'm joking sort of.) I guess I'm surprised to see him have his own personality that's different from me. That's what seems grown up to me- that he's doing something that he clearly did not learn from me. And no one else taught it to him, because HE is the main walker at daycare- the other kids, except Colin, crawl.

Update: Just dropped the kid off at daycare, and when I told the morning care provider what I saw him doing yesterday afternoon, she laughed and said, "They all do it!"

I love my daycare. I don't want my baby to graduate to the older room next August because I love the women in the infant room so much.

On the way out of daycare today, I said to the office lady, "He loves it here."
She said, "Yes, he does! He's a happy boy."

Today, before I left, I saw Q:
1. Offer Colin a teething ring, then when Colin took it, Q pulled it away, but Colin wouldn't let go, so Colin pulled Q down and they bonked heads.
2. Walk over to K, his girlfriend, and hit her (not hard) on the back with the teething ring. She was standing up, so I guess he thought she was fair game for rough play. She was not having it, and started crying in that mad way that babies do to show you that they're mad.

I hated to leave, because the babies are getting to be absolutely hysterical to watch play together! And truthfully, I often hang out at daycare for a half an hour every time I pick Q up because
1. It's more fun than being home at my empty house waiting for my husband to get home
2. Q likes to show off for me and show me how he can play
3. I like his daycare ladies so I like to spend time with them
4. It's fun to watch the other kids!

Latest Obsession:Babyhawk Mei Tai

2010-04-03T14:28:00.006-04:00

I'm really just blogging this as an excuse to use my husband's new iPad while he is in the shower. The keypad is a little awkward so this might have errors.

I finally, after several weeks of poring over the Babyhawk site and its hundreds of choices of strap/body panel color and pattern combos, chose my combo. I thought i wss going to get espresso straps, because i love my brown ERGO. However, a Twitter friend showed me her grey-strapped Babyhawk and swayed me. I showed the hubs a couple of options for the body panel fabric, and he liked a grey/white/yellow combo, so i took the plunge and ordered.

This mei tai is going to help me have a more comfortable back carry option, because the baby is too heavy now for more than 30 minutes of front carry. I tried on the mei tai at Mini Metros natural parenting store in NYC and they showed me how to get him nice and high up so he can see over my shoulder.

OK i like the iPad ok. Let me see if i can easily add an image though!
OK it was pretty easy!

Tired, MAKE IT WORK, Current Class Project

2010-03-31T06:07:00.007-04:00

I want to blog about something, but I am so tired.

I have not written something coherent for a whole week, and my brain knows it's time to write... it's just that all of my brain power is focused on- well, surviving the day: remembering to bring all my breast pump parts to work, devoting loads of energy to my darling students. dragging myself in my precious free time at work to my pumping room, sitting down with a sigh- and taking what amounts to my only alone time of the day. I actually like my pumping time for that reason. For ten minutes I can just relax and look at my iPhone while producing some antibody-filled milk for the babe, who is now a toddler, I think, since he is walking and saying a few words: dog, more, and duck. (Sounds like "Doh, muh, deh.")

I had my parents here the past few days for the baby's second first birthday party. They gave me a nap or two, but I also wanted to hang out with them and get a few things done around the house, so I remain pretty much as exhausted as I've been for the past 1.5 weeks. I just can't seem to catch up on my sleep. I used to say, "It's much harder to be a stay at home mom! At least you get a break at work!" But I'm finding that to do an excellent job at work, you really can't get that much of a break, and the break you DO get- and the relished adult contact- is probably not going to be sleep. Working mom hood and stay at home mom hood both have their very hard parts, and both have their rewarding parts... in either situation, you gotta MAKE IT WORK! Love ya, Tim Gunn. Sometimes when I am teaching I like to pretend I am Tim Gunn. Not really, but I love his interactions with the Project Runway contestants. He comes in, frowns at their work, gives a hedged compliment or warning, and then shouts, "MAKE IT WORK!" That's kind of my attitude with my students, too.

My students totally rock this year. I've got some characters. I wish I could write more about them. I need to write the stories down for a future book, I guess.

Well, that's about all I can come up with today. I'm going to be writing some pieces for my students, on the topic of babies, so I'll try to share those on this site. We're making mini-magazines (each student makes their own about whatever they want), and in the years I feel inspired, I make my own magazine, too. I made one my first year of teaching, I made one the year I got married (3 years ago!), and I made a mini-mini one 2 years ago. For some reason, I always decide to make a mini-mag when I am busiest. I think it's because when I'm busiest, I'm learning the most and have the most to say. This year I'm going to have a baby-themed mag. I'm going to teach my students about baby-wearing, the Nosefrida nasal aspirator, and flying on planes with a baby. I'm also going to include a quiz on caring for babies, and if you get a high score on it, you qualify to be a baby-sitter for me.

Oooh I'm really excited for this project. My students have already written their editorial and are starting their games (2 of the 10 required pieces for the project), so I myself am a tad behind. Maybe I'll bring my laptop to work and try to get some writing done. I like to model for them that I'm actually a writer, so....

I'm That Crazy, Anal Teacher

2010-03-23T22:49:00.005-04:00

So, today on a field trip, I made the students stop doing that thing where they make a signal to make truck drivers honk. They were pumping their fists and shouting, "Honk! Honk! Honk!"

I whipped my head around and said, "No! I'm not in the mood to hear all that shouting!" I turned back again to the book I was reading about readers workshop, and a few minutes later they started doing it again. I whipped my head around. "Absolutely not!" I snarled. "If we get into an accident, it is NOT going to be because I let you guys be loud."
I realize that sounds a little crazy, but we were on a busy highway that is full of tractor trailers. I don't trust other drivers. I've lived in this area far too long and know of too many deadly accidents in the area. Forget it.

Plus, I was picturing all those kids as a bus full of someone else's babies. If it were my baby on that field trip, I'd want the teachers to have the bus be an orderly environment where the driver can concentrate, not a bus full of screaming banshees who are standing up in their seats and distracting the driver and possibly obstructing his view...
I also did not want the horns of a truck to scare the crap out of a) our driver or b) another car on the road. I just cannot tolerate unsafe environments that involve children.

I went back to reading my book, and- I was shocked- a few kids starting doing it again. (They aren't my usual students, so they don't know that if I say to do something, I truly mean it and I will ride their butt until they do it, whether it is cleaning out their binder, stopping talking, or adding more to their paper.) I whipped my head around: "What did I just say? It is a SAFETY issue. If my baby were on this bus, I would not want it to be full of screaming kids. You are TOO LOUD. Sit back and relax."
I realized my baby comment might have sounded weird to them, so when we got back to the school, I tried to explain that I see them as former babies that I need to watch over and that horns are for warning, not entertainment... yeah, they looked at me like I was an idiot, but you know what, I got to read about 43 pages in my book because the whole bus was well-behaved, safe, and as quiet as a bus full of 46 pre-teens can be.

It was a decent day. The play we saw was really good, and the students were awesome during it.

Oh- and I know I said in my title that I was anal, but I was less anal than usual. I let them draw in the steam on the windows, and I even let them put their legs in the aisle. (Usually I say that's a safety issue and make them keep their bodies fully in their seat so they don't fly down the aisle in case of a sudden stop.) I also let them- well, that's all I pretty much let them do.
I didn't let them sing, play those hand clapping song games, or let them kneel on the seats and turn around and talk to the people behind them. That last thing is a safety issue in case of a sudden stop. It's just too chaotic if you let them act like a bus is a playground. No thank you. Field trips are draining enough without getting your ears blasted for 25 minutes with songs, games, shouting and screaming to and from the destination.

I know I sound anal and mean from this story, but I do it because I care- I'm this anal because I want them to be safe. I feel a tremendous responsibility to be the kids' caretakers when they are away from their parents. It's my job to keep them safe both physically and emotionally, and ya know, if I have to act a little kooky to reassure myself that I'm doing that, well, I'm alright with that.

My Baby Has a Girlfriend...

2010-03-13T18:35:00.002-05:00

And not one of those, "My friend has a baby girl so our babies are boyfriend-girlfriend" type set-ups.
No, my baby chose his girlfriend ON HIS OWN.
The past 2 days when I've picked him up at daycare, he's been playing with an adorable blonde named K. They've been crouched together, looking at the same toy- a Little People person with orange hair.
This baby is quite a bit younger than Q. She can't walk yet, but she can crawl like a pro, and like him, she is active and a people person. She is alert and engaged and likes to look at people and smile.
I like her a whole bunch, and I am considering inviting her to our birthday playdate this Saturday.
Because Q really likes this girl.
And I think she likes him too.

I Married a Child Model

2010-03-10T16:27:00.006-05:00

You'd never guess it, but my husband was a child model.

(This is a photo of me trying to make him take a photo with me with the background in my computer camera. I'm holding his hands and waving them. That's a roller coaster in the fake background.)

I'm not saying he's not a good-looking guy.
I'm saying, the man hates having his picture taken. And, I'm saying, he sometimes looks awful in photos because he's making a pained grimace that he thinks passes as a smile.

He was in catalog and print ads from ages, oh, 4-8 in the NYC area. Underoos. He modeled Underoos. And now, he's the grumpiest person you can imagine in front of the camera. I look at that smiling 6 year old and wonder who the heck that is, because the person who will jump through hoops- with a smile- is gone. I can usually make him jump, using my teacher tactics of direct orders and stare down, and talking loud, and not backing down (like when I wanted him to get me two cookies last night), but this is why I end up with grimaces in lots of photos. He'll do what I ask, since a family photo is a reasonable request, but he'll do it with a look on his face that only an introverted husband can make.

(That's him in the bottom right of this catalog ad. Look at that bowl cut! So late 70's!)

I think that's why I'm so surprised he was a child model- he is ultimately an introvert. I guess he only did the ads because his mom dragged him to auditions. In many ways, I often find us replaying that same scenario... a woman trying to make a very cute guy smile for photos in which he has no interest.

Me: Do I have your permission to post the photo of you as a child model?
Husband: (pause) I am not a subject for entertainment, information, or any other data.

Do you see what I mean about him being an introvert?

WSJ Talking Crap About Breastfeeding

2010-03-08T12:24:00.004-05:00

I just read a really irritating post in the Wall Street Journal blog about parenting. The post is called "The Economic Consequences of Breastfeeding." I had to reread the post a couple of times to figure out why it bugged me.

It starts, "Returning to the office after maternity leave isn’t easy, adding to the adjustment: To pump or not to pump. I’m not doing it. Before I came back to work this week, I decided that I would continue to nurse my daughter in the mornings only.

I’m well aware that breast milk is considered the optimal food for babies. That’s why I happily nursed for the past six months. But working moms may face stiff penalties for breastfeeding, a price that I’m not sure my family can afford. My job’s irregular schedule makes it impractical to pump milk at work. And given that my husband and I have financial goals, such as saving for retirement and a healthy portion of our daughter’s education costs, I don’t want to quit or downshift my career to accommodate a regular pumping or breastfeeding schedule.

There is a negative effect of breastfeeding on women’s employment status, says Phyllis Rippeyoung, assistant professor of sociology at Acadia University and co-author of a working paper about the economic consequences of breastfeeding. “In terms of long-term earnings, women who breastfeed less than six months have similar income trajectories to those who never breastfeed, but those who breastfeed for six months or longer have far steeper declines in income, mainly due to their increased likelihood of reducing their work hours or quitting,” Ms. Rippeyoung says. "

It just seems to me that the premise of this article is wrong- many moms CAN work pumping into their schedule, and many of them left comments stating so. I had another problem with the article- I felt it was giving false information about the nature of breastfeeding. Here is what I wrote- I was comment #139.

Two quotes in this article really bother me, because they are FALSE.

1. “For moms who have pain when the baby latches on, there are helpful professionals, but they demand a professional rate. A recent article in The New York Times described a certified lactation consultant who charges $200.”
The lactation consultants at my local hospital in Stamford CT provide FREE services in phone or in person to ANYONE who calls them. They also offer a mother’s group every week to anyone who wants to come. It bothers me to see something FALSE written in WSJ. The Stamford Hospital LCs, at no cost, have helped me breastfeed successfully for almost a year, and helped me figure out the best way to pump at work.

2. “There are also non-financial opportunity costs. While a can of premium formula comes with a premium price tag, feeding infants with formula uses less of one of mom’s most precious resources: time. Moms who nurse their babies frequently lament being tied to the house. Young babies can feed every hour or two, allowing only a slim window to make it to the supermarket, take a shower, walk the dog.”

Tied to the house? You can’t breastfeed a baby in a chair at a store, or in the car outside the grocery store? Of course you can. I’ve done this dozens of times. I have breastfed in line at the airport check in counter, while walking around Target, and in restaurants, with a cover in the early days, and without a cover as I learned how to more quickly latch the baby on and as he got more head control of his own. One of the NICE things about breastfeeding is how easy it is to do on the run, without having to haul around bottles and formula.

YIKES.

Get the facts right!

Why would a woman only be able to breastfeed in her own home? That is just a really odd thing to say.

Chime In: Baby Registries, the Right Stuff

2010-03-07T07:36:00.010-05:00

Friends of ours are due with a baby in five weeks. Last night I was pondering what to get them off their registry.

This morning I was sitting in my baby's room with him after he woke up, remembering the time in which I was planning for him. That room smelled different, felt different, meant something different.

I remember the feeling of trying to make sure I had all the right stuff. Turns out you don't need that much stuff- actually, I have loved my stuff, it's just hard to know what the best stuff is going to be for your baby or your lifestyle. I'll clarify: I love stuff. Lately, I love our Phil and Ted's metoo chair because we go out to eat a lot. I'm also on the hunt for a mei tai, because although the ERGO baby carrier has been one of our very best purchases, I don't like the ERGO for back carry, and he's getting too heavy to wear on my front.

Anyway. That was such a fun time in life, getting ready for the baby. It's weird that I'll never feel that feeling again. Even if I have another baby, that preparation time will never quite feel the same. That's not necessarily a bad thing. If second babies felt that momentous, adding a second one might feel overwhelming! Fortunately after the first one gets to be oh, 7 months or so, ya feel like a pro.

It is so fun to look at other people's registries. It's a window onto their life, or planned life. You can see if it looks they are planning to breastfeed. You can see if they chose a superfancy stroller or a practical one. You can see what some of their ideas and plans are by what books they ask for. You can see that they know about swaddling, and you're happy about that. When looking at someone else's registry, you can't help but think, "I remember I thought I needed that!" or "Dear God, why haven't they registered for an ERGO?" Seeing some of the items brings you back to a time when you also had no idea what to expect.

I'm glad I enjoyed that time in my life. I really immersed myself in that time- researching online, talking to friends, going to baby stores, reading baby blogs... it was awesome. I had such a blast getting ready for my baby. My BFF and I picked out paint colors and painted the nursery walls with the help of another friend and my husband (I supervised). I found a cool print on eBay and got it professionally framed.

What's awesome is that our baby far exceeded my expectations of what my baby was going to be like! He was easier, more fun, and cuter. Some of the stuff really came in handy- the towels, the butt cream, the thermometers, the blankets, the clothes, the toys, the swaddles- but the focus very quickly goes off the stuff and onto the baby, who mostly just needs to be fed, clothed, and kept warm those first few weeks- oh- and safely carried around to all those doctor appointments.

I guess the stuff is how we make ourselves feel ready for the baby. I don't mean that in a judgy way. It's fun to spend the last few weeks getting ready. But sometimes baby gear feels like an arsenal against THE BABY- a disruptive creature who you have to use tools to contain. I think I'm going to view my stuff a little differently next time- more as a way to have fun with my baby rather than as methods to deal with a mysterious, difficult creature.

Although maybe it went so well with him because I had all the right stuff because I researched so much? Who knows. Maybe I was, am, and always will be clueless, playing it all by ear. Maybe I know nothing. It's possible! What I do know is that every baby is different, every parent different, every life different, so people will always need or want different things for their babies. Before you are a parent yourself, and the parent of your particular baby, you can never know what you'll need. Once you are a parent, you realize how much is out of your control. It's so much easier once you accept that and just go with the flow. At least that's my philosophy. I'm not sure how else a working parent could survive.

Note: I'm not bashing my friends' registry- theirs is quite sensible and actually makes them look like they know what they are doing. And my girlfriend who just had a baby a month ago- well, her registry had all the cool gear that it took me months to realize I wanted. She was smart enough to put the metoo chair and the ERGO on her registry, whereas I bought mine myself!

Build-a-Bear Manhattan: Actually, Not Lame!

2010-03-03T05:52:00.012-05:00

Before you have kids, you can't believe you'd ever want to do anything as lame as go to the "Build-a-Bear" or American Girl doll store. (I only know about that second thing because my friend Kevin, Dad of two, has blogged about it.)

When my sister was here last week with her 3 kids, 6, 4, and 2, she suggested an impromptu trip into the city (New York City, that is) to see our sister's apartment. To give the kids something kiddish to do, we'd first swing by Build-a-Bear. This sounded horrible to me. I pictured a crowded place full of screaming kids... but I admit, I felt the pull of the bear. My baby's first birthday is coming up, and I envisioned myself buying him a really painstakingly built bear, crafted with fine accessories which I imagined were part of a complex part of assembling a bear. I grew more enthusiastic about Build-a-Bear.

The nine of us- me, my baby, my parents, my sisters, my middle sister's 3 kids- drove in two cars to the commuter train station. We managed to get ourselves onto a train and an hour later were in Manhattan, hiking a few cold blocks to the BAB store in midtown.

Although I had fun at Build-a-Bear (the baby slept through most of it), I was let down by the "building" process. The assemblage, which I pictured more like Santa's toy shop with tools and crafting of the bear's attributes, only involves you pressing the pedal on the machine that puts the stuffing in the bear (so you can decide the bear's firmness or floppiness) and picking out its outfit. The store should really be named "Stuff and Dress a Bear." See photo above of me and the sleeping baby stuffing his bear.

Still, I had fun watching my niece and nephews get their bears- rather, the two olders chose dinosaurs- and I did get a pretty cute Jedi Knight bear. The store wasn't that crowded, surprisingly, for a Sunday. No kids were acting obnoxious, although their parents were sort of loud.

The only really bad thing about the store is the deafening cowbell they ring, right at the front door by the checkout area, to announce yet another kid's birthday. I did not appreciate an ear-shattering COWBELL right next to my baby's head. That's actually pretty idiotic of the Build-a-Bear people.

I admit, I'd go to the Build-a-Bear place again. I'm not even sure why. Maybe because although it's about buying stuff, the options are limited. That's good for kids. It's a better (albeit pricier) option than having to choose from an entire toy store. I think that's why the kids in the store were so well-behaved: it was a controlled purchasing experience. The other good thing was that I felt the toys were fairly priced- not cheap- but not exorbitant. 16 bucks for the bear, same for the clothes. No, not cheap, but I expected double the price.

And being able to do Manhattan with kids is pretty priceless! We walked a bunch of blocks to my sister's apartment and the kids did great. There was some complaining near the end, but truth be told, pounding the pavement was tiring, and it was very cold!

Here's my sis, her kids, and my Dad at 30 Rock.

I am really looking forward to my next trip into the city with the baby. It is so easy just to put him in the ERGO and wear him around. However, I wore the baby for about 4 hours straight on BuildaBear day, and my hips were really tired the next day. For a long day in the city, it's best to bring the stroller. That's what I did last month when the baby and I took the train in along to see my sister's new apartment. I put him in the stroller, cozied up in the BundleMe, and put the plastic over that because it was very cold. He fell asleep and I was able to walk briskly to my sister's. Walking that much with 20 pounds on my hips is just not doable any more. This is why I need to buy a mai tei, so I can stick the baby on my back, rather than trying to wear him on my front in the ERGO. I hate the ERGO for back carry.

Baby Swing: Mother's Helper or Separation Tool?

2010-02-28T07:39:00.011-05:00

I'm not against using baby swings and seats, but I just saw a full-page Fisher-Price ad in Parenting Mag that made me think, "Wow, there are really a lot of tools to separate us from our babies."

Swing and exersaucer-using parents, I'm not criticizing the use of those tools- I used them too. But the ad in the magazine shows a montage in which a baby is never held by his parents. In the first shot, the baby is in a bassinet by his mom (God forbid the baby actually touch you while he sleeps). In the second shot, the parents are feeding the baby while he sits in a high chair (sometimes my baby likes to eat while sitting on my lap). In the next shot, the Dad is showing the baby toys hanging on the exersaucer the baby's sitting in (maybe the baby would like a little break from fabric pressing on her crotch). In the final shot, the mom and her friend are smiling and leaning over the baby, who's sitting in a gigantic swing (I thought people LIKED to hold babies).

I understand that this is an ad for those products, not a "how to parent" montage, but I think these images influence people's view of what's normal. I guess that's why FP puts these ads in... so first time parents think, "Oh cool, this is what I need to handle my baby. The baby is sure going to love sitting in this." Maybe some babies do. Mine never really did, although the exersaucer often got me 10 minutes of blogging time. Believe me, I am NOT saying parents should not take time for themselves. When the kid can't sit up to play on his or her own, these tools can be pretty damn handy.

Also, some people NEED these tools to contain their babies in a safe place while they care for other children or accomplish a task around the house. I'm not judging people who use swings and exersaucers and bassinets- we used them too.

But I also see in these ads a fear- a fear about a baby growing too used to your touch. And a feeling that is inconvenient to hold your baby with your own arms. Sure, sometimes it is. But they are only little for such a short time.

Also, that's why babywearing can be so nice- your hands are free, but your baby (or toddler) is snuggled right next to you. Rather than put Q in the exersaucer, I'd often wear him while I did laundry or put dishes away. It's not always the easiest on your back, so I'm not going to tell other parents to babywear if they don't want to. I do think parents should do what works for them, and if it's to put the kid in the swing, go for it.

However, this ad made me think about how a baby can be viewed as a threat- but if he can be contained, you can go about your orderly, adult-oriented life. I think that as a parent who wants to feel connected to their baby, you have to be aware of the subtle messages these ads send. It's one of the many reasons I do not love parenting magazines, and would rather read parenting blogs and websites, such as Phd in Parenting, Hobo Mama, and Amber Strocel's blog.

Taking care of a baby by yourself all day can be exhausting. Often these tools give a mother a much-needed break. Many of the new mothers I know, including me, do NOT have family in the area, so don't have a mother or mother-in-law nearby who could come and give her an hour break- much less a 20 minute break! A swing had to do that, and I think that is fine. I was just struck by the Fisher-Price ad, where people who clearly had free time, and free hands, were standing beside a baby in a piece of plastic.

Making Breastfeeding and Daycare Work

2010-02-26T11:43:00.000-05:00

It can be tough to make breastfeeding work with daycare.

In my case, my baby wants more milk than I can make. Guess what I say to that? Too bad. He can make it up when I pick him up. His doctor and my lactation consultant say the 8 oz I provide should be enough, so if that means I have to rush right from work to get him to feed him, I'm fine doing that until one year when he can take cow's milk.

I blogged previously about my having to persuade daycare that 8 oz was enough milk for him. (That was titled "Approaching 1 Year Breastfeeding: Stubbornness- and Support- Needed.") I can only pump 6, max 7 at work, so I even have to squeeze in extra pumping sessions to make that 8 oz. It's a pain in the butt, but my sights are set on my one year of breastmilk goal and I am forging ahead. My husband wonders if I'm thinking of myself or the baby, but you know what, I don't really expect anyone else to get how I feel about my goal. The baby's fine. 8 oz should be enough for him. He loves solid food, so all the medical professionals tell me that is enough milk.

Daycare has been giving him bottles at 10 and 2, and that's been working well. I have not had to rush from work to get him at 3:30 like I thought I would. Instead, I can get him at 4, which leaves me a good 50 minutes to get work done after my students leave. (Or squeeze in a 20 minute workout.) Well, yesterday his caretaker said she thinks he need more milk because he cries when she feeds another baby.

Me: "Well- how bad is he crying?"
CT: "Oh, you know, he fusses."
Me: "Well, what time is he fussing? Is it before his 10 am bottle?"
CT: "No, it's between the two bottles."
Me: "OK, so can we give him the second bottle at 1 instead of 2, and I'll just hurry to get him at 3:30? I can be here. I can't make any more milk, so can we try that next week?"
CT shrugs: "I guess."

For some reason his caretakers seem to really not want me to only provide 8 oz for him. But you know what, they are going to have to be more persuasive if they expect me to see where they are coming from.

I don't mean to sound critical of his caretakers. I absolutely love them. I trust them completely even if they and I sometimes see things a little differently (like what shoes he should be wearing). What I am though, is protective of what I need to do to keep him on breastmilk. I'm not going to let casual suggestions pressure me into changing what I am doing. I'm not going to let a little irritation by a caretaker make me change my course. If they truly think he needs more milk, they should communicate that better to me.

My husband thinks I'm being a little selfish, but I don't think so. He says if the baby is fussing, he needs more milk. Nope. He fusses for my iPhone. Does that mean he needs an iPhone? Nope. Would it be nice if the baby could have more milk at daycare? Maybe. But his doctor said it's enough, and I'll gladly make up the milk calories when I pick him up. I'm not going to bother with adding formula to my breastmilk unless his caretakers make the case for that more clear. I stubbornly want to believe that a mom can work AND provide breastmilk to meet her baby's needs. I don't think I'm wrong.

This is going to work. If I have to rush out of work for the next month, so be it. I'm willing to do that.

All I can say is, I'm not sure I could make this work if my baby were under 6 months and not taking solids. If I were feeding a younger baby, would my breasts be primed to make more milk? Would I be able to pump more than the measly 3 X 2 ounces I pump in my sessions at work? We'll have to see if and when I have another baby. An infant needs WAY more than 8 oz in 8 hours. They'd need closer to 18-20 I think. I'll cross that bridge if and when I come to it!

The Fullness of Parenting with Friends and Coworkers

2010-02-26T06:47:00.000-05:00

I'm a lingerer at daycare, partly because I often breastfeed in the room right before I leave Q and right when I pick him up. This gives me the chance to see other parents drop off and pick up their kids. It's so adorable to watch people effusively love up their kids as they say goodbye.

My coworker’s baby shares a room with mine. She or her husband do dropoff around 7 like I do. Last week I watched her hug her baby tight and say just like I do, "I love you so, so much," when she said goodbye. Then at work we were too busy to even talk. This week, I saw her husband drop off the baby. He picked up the baby, hugged him, kissed him, and told him he loved him, then said a regular friendly "Bye Kristine," to me.

This was actually the first time I’ve watched other parents say goodbye to their kids at daycare and I was really struck by it. It’s the type of affection that we that don't always see other parents giving babies because we don't often witness their partings and reunions. I think it was even more striking to see it in my coworker and her husband, who I've known for 8-9 years, and who I consider good friends.

Our babies together six months ago at a backyard BBQ:

My coworker and her husband are hard-working, relatively serious people. I mean, they are fun, and funny, but they’re not silly, goofy people who run around kissing and hugging people at work or at parties.
It’s not that they aren’t affectionate people. I hug them hello and goodbye at social gatherings. When we gather socially with our kids, of course we all hold our kids, and maybe even hug and kiss them, but at parties, we’re all talking to each other while keeping an eye on our kids- we’re not lavishing attention on our babies because it’s one of our few times to socialize with adults.

That’s why the overt affection from my coworker and husband was so striking- although I have known them for years, I’ve never seen it. Such gentle and loving behavior is reserved by most people for private moments. But daycare breaks that boundary because you have to say hello and goodbye to your most precious thing in front of other people.

Now I can’t help but see my coworker and husband a little more completely. I know them now not just as friends and coworkers, but as loving parents. Even if you know someone IS a parent, it’s different when you see them interact with their child, and it’s even more informative to see them show their most sincere affection. We often don’t get this full view of people because we don’t often work, socialize AND parent around the same people.

I am lucky to work with amazing people, many of whom are parents, many of whom have awesome partners that I count among my friends. It teaches me a lot about how to parent, and how to be a working parent.
Working and parenting and having a marriage and friendships- it’s a lot. It’s a lot to handle. It’s pretty much impossible to find the time to do it all well.
I had no idea that being a working parent was so… busy. And full. And exhausting. And draining. But in many ways, great. I had no idea it would be manageable, but it is.

I like that I have company in this challenging time. I like knowing that other people whom I respect are trying to work the same balancing act. You can’t try to parent alone… it’s just so much easier to do it with your friends! You can learn so much from others.
Even if you’re not a working parent, you need company. Several good friends are staying home with their kids, and they struggle with parenting and balancing too.

I really love this time in life. I’m learning a lot about myself, and about others, and about life in general. My life is so rich and wonderful and rewarding right now. I just wish I had more time to blog about it!

Fathers as an Essential Breastfeeding Support

2010-02-20T17:32:00.001-05:00

I just spoke to a friend who has made it to 3 weeks breastfeeding her baby boy despite cracked nipples, pain, and c-section recovery, in addition to the raging hormones and sleep deprivation that make the first few weeks so difficult.
I am so proud of her for making it this far. She said she never would have made it without the support of her husband. This reinforced the already high opinion I have of him. I have always thought he's fabulous, but to hear what a support he's been to her- well, that means a lot. My own husband was also a huge help with encouragement, caring for the baby while I napped, and bringing me water and whatever else I needed and wanted while breastfeeding. Oh- and he made ALL of of our dinners the first few weeks!

I wanted to give a shout out to my husband, my friend's husband, and all the other dads (and partners and families) who make the often difficult first few weeks of breastfeeding more manageable.

Another friend of mine has a friend who badly wanted to breastfeed, but her husband didn't think she could do it all herself. She ended up giving it up. Fathers and partners, and their opinions, mean more than they realize. I wish more moms knew they CAN do it. I never was sure I could, but I persevered through some pretty bad pain at 5 days with my husband's support and the help of my lovely lactation consulant. Most of us can't do it alone, and we have to ask for help from the right people if we want to succeed. Most of us CAN do it- but most of us need help. I've asked for so much help along the way- from my LC, from my friend Deirdre (a doctor and breastfeeding/pumping/working mom), from twitter friends, and my friend Olga when I needed a pep talk after a hard first week of pumping at work.

Wish I could write more, but need to run and get the house ready to feed TEN people, as my family is in town!

Teaching as a Mom

2010-02-13T09:37:00.000-05:00

Teaching, now that I'm a mom, feels a little different.

1. I see them all as babies, more so than I did even after my nephews and niece caused me to see them as children rather than just adolescents. Something about their hair, and their heads, reminds me of my baby, and it's all I can do not to nuzzle them. Here they are, writing essays, and all I can see is what babies they still are in many ways. I've always been kind to my students, but now I am ABSURDLY kind to them. (I've only been back three weeks- maybe my maternal attitude toward them will decrease as time passes?)

2. Yesterday morning I was so tired. I was leaning in a doorway in the school, just being an adult presence in the halls since it was the Friday before a vacation. I was watching dozens and dozens of 11-14s pass by, and I suddenly got teary at the fact that my little boy will one day be as old as these kids, and as tall as me.

3. This is my first year teaching as a mom. I don't think about my baby TOO much during the day, except when I'm pumping, because the pace of teaching is so fast. I've got 20-25 kids in the room, and I am responsible for their development as writers and readers. That does NOT leave a lot of time to think about my life. Being so busy means I go through parts of my day feeling like the "pre-baby" me... the me who does not have a little part of her out in the world. And that's a very different feeling than the feeling I have when I am with my baby, which is the feeling that there is MORE of me. It's weird to feel both of those feelings in the same day. I think that is life as a working parent maybe- the two halves of your day are two extremes. No baby, all baby. (And as a stay-at-home parent, it's all baby, all the time, and that is intense. In some ways, working makes life easier. Not having a daily nap time, though? That's not easy.)

4. I feel WAY more empathetic to working parents. Sometimes my fellow teachers talk and sound as if they CAN'T BELIEVE a parent didn't follow up on an email about the kid's missing work! As a working parent of a baby, I'm thinking, if that parent is half as tired as I am, and has more than one kid, yeah, I can see how that might slide. I also have way more understanding about late permission slips.

5. I appreciate my job even more now because it's crystal clear that it's a way to earn a living for my family. I have always liked my job, but now I feel like I am doing it for an even bigger purpose, which is to make my baby's life more stable. My job and its fabulous medical insurance means we will always have the medical care that we need.

OK, he's awake.

I Look Young, and I'm SORTA Thin... Right?

2010-02-12T18:42:00.001-05:00

At the end of an exhausting work week, I rushed downtown to human resources to drop off some paper work before 4pm.

The HR lady said, "How's the baby?"
The lady beside her, who I'd never seen before, said, "Baby! She looks too young to have a baby!"

I tilted my head and looked at her because:
a) I couldn't believe she meant it
b) I was too tired to think of what to answer right away
c) I was trying to gauge her age- I'd say she was mid-40s
d) I know I looked like crap (exhausted, hadn't showered that day or possibly even the day before) and I was wondering if I looked young because I was so dishevelled
e) I was wondering who she was.

I blurted out, "Young!? I'll be 35 this month!"
The lady laughed. "Oh, you're an old lady then!"

I felt a little bad, because she was clearly older than me, and I didn't mean to imply that she's old, but 35 is certainly not YOUNG in the context of having a baby. And hey, she brought up age first. I rarely think about age, actually.

I added, "Well, you know, teaching adolescents, it's the hormones, keeps you looking young."

That was sort of a weird interaction, but I'm just going to take away that someone thought I looked young, and even if she was yanking my chain, I'm going to choose to believe I look young.

I got home and said to my husband, "Maybe she meant I look too THIN- I look too THIN to have a baby."
Husband: "... uh... yeah."

Approaching 1 Year Breastfeeding: Stubbornness- and Support- Needed

2010-02-09T19:32:00.001-05:00

It occurred to me this evening, as I was painstakingly pouring the 7.5 oz I painstakingly pumped at work today into 4 separate plastic baggies that I painstakingly labeled with date, ounces, and my baby's name... that trying to breastfeed for a full year takes stubbornness.

In the early days, I was stubborn when we almost tried some formula when the baby nursed and nursed and nursed from 10 pm to 1 am. We made the bottle, then I said, "Just one more nursing session."

I was stubborn at 5.5 months, when after the baby had a weeklong stomach bug and didn't nurse much, my supply really dropped (despite renting a hospital grade pump and pumping whenever I could get time), and I had to nurse the baby almost every hour or two for two weeks straight to get my supply back up. (Thank God I was not working, or I'm not sure I would have had the time and energy to get the supply back.)

I have always stubbornly stuck to the idea that breastmilk, and what I can make, should be good enough. (I must say I have been influenced by my fabulous and stubborn lactation consultants, who I simply adore. Holla, Stamford Hospital Lactation!)

At 9.5 months, when it came time for the baby to go to daycare, and it didn't seem like 7 or 8 oz of breastmilk would sate the baby, I consulted my LC (you can imagine what her response was), my baby's pediatrician, and my BFF who is a doctor and who is currently nursing and pumping at work for her 2nd baby who's just older than mine. They all said 8 oz should be enough since he's on solids, so I painstakingly drew up directions for daycare about how much and when to feed him (maximum 8 oz in 2-3 bottles of 4 oz size). Daycare said I should bring larger bottles, because one time the milk they put in was a little over 4 oz, but I said, no, I want him to have smaller bottles because that's more typical of a breastfed baby. (I also did not want to give the message that he should be fed more than that on a regular basis, because I simply cannot pump more than 8 oz at work, no matter how hard I try.) They didn't seem to really believe my plan would work, but I explained myself a couple times, and now they agree that if he has a breakfast and lunch of solid foods, 8 oz is enough. I don't even have to rush to get him at 3:30, which is nice- he seems fine until 4 or 4:30. Other babies younger than him drink three times what he does... the price I pay is that he wakes at least once to nurse, but I'm ok with that.

I still have to squeeze in a few extra pumping sessions in the week mornings or on weekends, because I usually do not pump 8 oz at work; I pump 6.5 or 7, and on bad days, 6. Those extra sessions are a bit of a pain, because I'd rather be going to the gym, but I tell myself, just two more months. (Even if it ends up being more, I still tell myself that to keep myself positive.)

At work, to try to get the most milk, I drink tons of water, snack or eat before pumping, and leave plenty of time to pump. It takes a little over 10 min, twice a day, plus time to set up and break down the pump and parts and wash off the one part I don't have a duplicate of. At the end of the day, I lug the heavy, rented hospital grade pump home in a bulky backpack (I was afraid my Medela Pump in Style wouldn't be good enough), where I then store my milk and wash out all the pump parts and pile them on the drying rack. In the morning, I repack my little breastmilk cooler, put the pump parts in a plastic baggie, and haul the giant backpack to work along with my lunch bag and work bag. I must look like a really hardworking teacher with all that work I take home-not just a bag, but a HUGE BACKPACK full of papers to grade!

I wasn't sure I'd make to a year of full-time breastfeeding, but I think I'm going to. We thought we might need to add formula if he needed more than 8 oz, and even if 8 is good enough, if I couldn't or didn't want to make time to pump on the weekends, we could add some formula to his breastmilk... but I think with the week off I have in February, I'll be able to pump enough extra so I can build up a surplus of milk to last us through his first birthday on March 21st.

The end is in sight, and I am feeling optimistic.

(At one year, we can probably put him on cow's milk during the day, as long as he's lost the dairy protein allergy we are pretty sure he had at one point. I'll keep breastfeeding him in the morning, evenings, and weekends for as long as he wants and for as long as it works for us. I mean, the end of PUMPING is in sight. The end of worrying if I can make enough milk for him. The end of me needing to be there every few hours, or provide pumped milk.)

I really want to believe that a working mother can breastfeed for a full year. Even for me, who did not go back to work until my baby was over 9.5 months old, it's been challenging to keep the baby only on my milk. Anyone who pumps from 3-12 months... wow. That is a lot of work. I can't say with full confidence that I could do it. I would try. But that's why I do not judge any one's choice to use formula. My job is the perfect one for pumping, because as a teacher I have built in breaks that happen to fall at just the right intervals- 10 am and 1pm- and still it is SO DRAINING. My boss and staff are fully supportive. I have it easy, and yet it's not easy at all.

Pumping is a huge pain in the butt, but I feel like I am doing something good for his health by giving him immunological protection, and I like sitting down and thinking about him twice a day. And plus, I'm stubborn, and I want to say I fully breastfed for a year. I have a goal. I don't feel like it's just a goal for me. Certain people have implied that I care more about the breastfeeding for me than the baby. But I don't see it that way. It's ok if other people see it that way, because at this point, I'm just gonna plow ahead to my goal anyway. In the words of my youngest sister, "Whatevs."

Props to the husband, and my coworkers, and all the people who have helped me on real life and on twitter, for making this goal possible!!!! Oh- and my family, especially my sisters, who got me through that week of the baby being really sick.

My Sister Talks About Poop

2010-01-24T07:25:00.001-05:00

I am giggling my head off at the comment I left on my sister's blog, The H Family Grows. She talked about how her 3rd kid says words (mostly poop and butt) that she used to be horrified hearing other little kids say, ones who had older siblings. I understand that you don't want to be "that parent" whose kid is shouting about poop in the grocery store, but poop is a part of life, and so is your butt, so... I dunno, I'm a fan of saying poop a lot. I hope this means my niece and I can sing songs about poop when they visit me in February. Here's my comment on her post. (If she approves my comment, of course; it's still awaiting moderation as she's on that ANNOYING California time.)

OK, so does that mean when you come visit, I can sing your kids that song that has the word "poop" in it that I wanted to sing? And that you forbade me to sing?
Just kidding, we don't sing "The Quinton Morning Poop Show" any more really.

But, thanks to YOUR kids, I constantly say the words poop and butt. And it IS your kids' influence, and I love it! I love to say poop and butt!

Is it possible that *I* taught your kids those words?
I say poop and butt in our house all the time. Also "poopy butt."

I just went to change a poopy diaper and had time to reflect. I'm really hoping Miss 3 and I can talk about poop when she's here. I think all you can do is explain that you can talk about poop with your family, but don't talk about poop when you are around other families. Actually, I feel like I've had that conversation with my students. "You can talk about poop with your friends, but do not talk about poop around me." Although I think it was more about saying "hell" and "damn." I tell them those words are for their friends, and that I talk differently around my friends than I talk around them, and that I say bad words once in a while but that I certainly don't say them in the classroom, and they shouldn't either, and we should both get in trouble if we do! :) It's an excellent life lesson, and little miss #3 just has to learn it earlier I guess...

"Pocket full of poopoo?" I think that's brilliant. Maybe I'll let my students talk about poop this year. I could get some good poetry out of them.

I Don't Need No Manual!

2010-01-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

As I was playing with Quinton on the floor just now, it occurred to me that I have not read any baby guides recently. You know, those "what your 9 month old is doing." I really enjoyed those for about the first 5 or 6 months. Maybe I had more free time then because he slept more or something. But I also find that I don't get as much out of the baby books now. I feel confident that he IS doing what he should be doing, and if he's not, I can tell that by seeing what his little baby friends do. I dunno. He is more of a person and less of a baby now. Babies ARE scary and confusing, so you DO need to read up on them. You just worry less as they get older, I think.

I know this post is not grammatically perfect, but I'm not going to edit it, because I need to either be doing school work or playing with Q!

My Gorgeous Friend Wendy in FARGO

2010-01-16T09:48:00.001-05:00

I just had to share this photo of my friend Wendy and her daughters, taken by a photographer for their local FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA newpaper. Yes, I said FARGO. Shiver.

I met Wendy and her husband Christopher in Rye NY, 11 years ago. We became fast friends, then they moved to Minnesota, and now they are in ND because Christopher has a morning radio show there. His website has past shows, his weekly newspaper column, and essays from the past couple years, including two fabulous ones about parenting called "Demando and Commando and "The Simple Language of Parenting and Football Coaches." Wendy blogs at My Green Side with green living tips, so do check out both of their websites if you are interested!

The caption for the photo was: Wendy Gabriel walks home from the sledding hill with her daughters Sunday afternoon. The girls took advantage of the above zero weather. Carrie Snyder / The Forum

Took advantage of the above zero weather. Good gracious. When I visited the Gabriels in Minnesota one February, it was the coldest weather I've ever experienced. With wind chill, it was below zero, and it was so very painful for this Virginia-bred girl.

Natural Parenting Blog Carnival: Parenting Resolutions 2010

2010-01-12T03:01:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions!
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month we're writing about how we want to parent differently — or the same — in the New Year. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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2010 is going to be a big year, because in one week, I go back to work after a blissful ten month maternity leave. Fortunately I like my job and having been doing it for ten years, so I feel good about going back. I would not have been ready at 3 months, and 6 months, but I’m ready now. I feel great about the bond my baby and I have achieved, and I think he’ll be OK being away from me and his Dad for 6 hours. (Dad doing late drop off at 9, me doing early pickup by 3:30.)

Speaking of that babydaddy… one big thing I know I should improve in my parenting is involving my husband more in decisions. We don’t always see eye to eye on how to do things- for example, I think co-sleeping is cool, he doesn’t. He’s been really good about letting me do what makes my life easier, but I feel ready now to take more of his suggestions without getting defensive and thinking that he’s criticizing me as a mom. Just recently we had a heated debate over how to get the baby to eat more solid food- after an hour of arguing about it and sundry related topics, turns out we were mostly on the same page. This is very typical of us, but it’s tiring, and I’d like to change that pattern.

Other resolutions:
2. Get the baby eating more solids so he will stop waking up 3 or 4 times a night. If he can wake less, I can have him in his crib more, where I think both he and I will ultimately sleep better. I’ve been sleeping with him in the guest bed because my husband’s and my bed is not safe for co-sleeping, and I’d like to return to my own bed.

3. Keep in touch with the wonderful moms I’ve met this year by keeping up our Saturday bi-monthly playdates.

4. Keep up with my blog, FC Mom, and with my baby’s blog.

5. Monitor my stress level as I go back to full time work in 2 weeks. I want to be at my best for husband, baby and job- or, as close to my best as I can be while balancing those three.

6. Keep up habit of batch cooking healthy meals for my lunches. That way I can just throw a Tupperware and an apple in my lunch bag and have a good meal at work. Drink lots of water at home and work.

7. Focus while at work. I’m pretty good at this, but I love my coworkers, so sometimes it is tempting to talk to them rather than grading. However, I’ll now be pumping during those “free periods,” so… I am going to have to figure out how to be productive at work, both milk-wise and work-wise.

8. Despite being very busy, I want to take time to stop, look at and listen to people- at least occasionally.

9. FC Mom Video. I would like to work more video into my blog in the form of interviews, mini talk-shows, and skits.

10. Above all, I want to enjoy my baby, husband, job, family, friends and my interests (writing, exercising, Biggest Loser), and do whatever it takes to allow me to enjoy life.

What about you, readers? What are your resolutions?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(All the links should be active by noon on Jan. 12. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

• To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl
• It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler's Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries
• To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama
• Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama
• Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden
• Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy)
• FC Mom's Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom
• What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama
• Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog
• This year, I will mostly... — Look Left of the Pleiades
• Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way
• I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips
• Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer
• Use Love — Momopoly
• My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker
• Talkin' 'bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing
• Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night
• Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick
• No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator
• I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma
• Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is Worthwhile

Structure in the Classroom... and at Home?

2010-01-11T11:25:00.000-05:00

I liked this article at Mothering Magazine: "The Three Rs of Behavior Management: Rules, Rituals, and Routines."

I feel like I'm a master of these things in the classroom. I could not survive without them, and I feel like my students thrive because of my efforts to establish a predictable routine, with clear rules, and fun little rituals, at the start of the school year.

I do not, however, feel like I've applied these very well to my baby. We're just getting into the "Bath, book, boob, bedtime" routine. Maybe an infant is too young to go hardcore structure with; it never felt right to me, but now that we're going to be on a much tighter schedule with me back at work and the baby at daycare, the idea of routines is starting to feel MUCH more relevant. I'm kind of excited to see what I can establish for my little guy.

There are a couple books I've seen on Amazon that look interesting, but I hate ordering books that I'm not sure will be relevant.
1. Seven Times the Sun: Guiding Your Child Through the Rhythms of the Day by Shea Darian
2. You Are Your Child's First Teacher: What Parents Can Do With and For Their Chlldren from Birth to Age Six. This book comes highly recommended by a blogger I like, Amber Strocel at strocel.com, so I think I might just get it. Or at least put it in my shopping cart, so when I'm flush with cash from my teacher's salary, I can get it. My local libraries do NOT have either of these books.

Hm. Maybe I could ask Borders to order them for me. Then I could return them if I don't like them.

I ordered the book "Discipline Without Distress" (yes I know the quotes are wrong, I should italicize, but quotes are so much easier) for a parenting book club. I bet that suggests routines as a way of avoiding behavior issues.

Well, that's enough coherent thought for the day. Off to shower.

Judgment in the Mothering World: Good or Bad?

2010-01-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

I think it's human nature to judge others, but I think it's beneficial to take a step back and not judge others harshly. I've noticed that as a new mom, it's easy to feel judged, and it is really, really tempting to judge others. I'm not sure that helps any of us, though.

One thing I've noticed is that moms tend to gravitate towards moms who parent similarly, because then you don't feel like your parenting choices (formula vs. breastfeeding, sleep training vs. cosleeping, etc.) will be judged. I'm a middle of the road mom. Although I lean heavily toward attachment parenting, the husband is soooooo not on board, and that's ok. We have found a good balance at this point (I think). I'm quite happy with my occasional cosleeping, constant babywearing, non-cloth diapering, breastfeeding lifestyle.

Anyway, my point is that I try not to judge other moms. Everyone's lives are so different. While I do not think sleep training would have worked for me, I have friends who do it, and for them, I think it was the right choice. They are working moms of several kids, and they simply could not have dealt with all of the night waking that I did (and still do). There's no one way to do things.

I also hope people don't judge my choices. I couldn't stand to hear my baby fuss for a second, and that's just the way I am. I don't think it means I'm a pansy whose kid walks all over her. I think we all have different personalities, different babies, different demands in our life, and we do our child-rearing accordingly. My next baby will probably fuss a little more as I teach her ('cause I know it's gonna be a girl, I already have her nursery colors picked out) to soothe herself. This first baby of mine sucks at that, and I pay the price every night as he wakes 4-5 times. Now, my sleep training friends look pretty smart. I don't regret how I did things though, because I followed my instincts and did what felt right. No sleep training book was going to persuade me otherwise. (Before you offer me sleep advice, I'm not asking for advice. We're good. I have it under control.)

Know where my judginess comes out? In my rss reader, which, for you computer neophytes, is a google service I have set up to send me headlines from all the blogs I like. I separate my blogs into categories: friends' blogs, mindless inanity, mom blogs, and crunchy moms. See? Even I feel the need to define mothers as just regular mothers or crunchy mothers. There are "molds" out there, and we look at those molds to see where a mom fits. Is she a cosleeping cloth-diaperer who quit her job to stay home with her baby? Is she a busy working mom whose baby is not the sole focus of her life? Those are the two molds I feel like I see in my area in CT. I think I am a little of both of those. And actually, so are my friends who sleep trained. They are very crunchy in some ways, and they are wonderful mothers. The problem with putting people in a mold is that they often don't fit. I think we miss out on friendships if we let our tendency to judge separate us.

Wait- I think there is one more mold in my area- the SAHM who can afford a nanny, private yoga instruction, tennis lessons, and salon visits. I don't see those moms much, because that's not the circle I run in, but I certainly don't begrudge those moms that lifestyle. Frankly, it sounds like my ideal life, although I'd do horsebackriding instead of yoga. And I'd probably take my kids along if they were good. We'd ride together. Also, they'd come with me to yoga, and the nanny would take care of them while I did yoga, or the kid could do yoga, too, if they were good. I think homeschooling is cool though, so maybe I'd do that as well. Or have my own school. Or send my kids to Montessori. Whatever. Anyway. Do you see how open-minded I am, that I could accept that lifestyle? Yup. No judgment here on that great backhand!

I guess my question to readers is, Do you judge other moms, and do you think it's a bad thing? Is judgment helpful or hurtful to you and the other moms in your life?

I'd bet that many people feel wrongly judged. I hear of moms who get criticized for cosleeping or breastfeeding past a year. What else do you get judged for?

One of my favorite bloggers, Annie at Phd in Parenting, has a post up that actually comes out in favor of judging others. While I agree with her premise- that parenting styles should be up for debate- I just don't see how I'd be able to keep my friends if I thought it was my business to judge their parenting. I feel like, as long as our different styles don't conflict with out ability to hang out, it's OK to be friends with people who do things differently. (I hope I have not wrongly summarized Annie's point- go read it, it's really nuanced and awesomely opinionated).

Biology, Baby's Cry, and The Working Mother

2010-01-06T10:58:00.001-05:00

I just figured out why it's so hard to leave your baby at daycare, besides the not wanting to be away from them. Their face when you leave them, the hysterical sobbing- the baby is saying, "Mom, don't leave me! I'm scared! I'm in danger! I want to be with you!" As a mom, you are programmed to listen to your baby. The baby is programmed to want to be near you for safety- and that's how Moms work too. If they are with you, you know they're safe. The separation brings up an anxiety in both baby and mom.

The mother, the adult, know it's in her baby's best long term interest to be left at daycare, in my case, financial health and security in a tough economy. So, the mother has to ignore her instincts to soothe her baby and walk away. And that is really really hard. It's very upsetting to know that my baby knows that I know he's upset, and that I'm leaving him anyway.

Maybe dads feel this way too; I work mostly with mothers because I'm a teacher. I'd heard about how it's hard to leave them, and I'm sure this is exactly what they meant.

Although I will say, after I drive away, I feel a good ten minutes of euphoria at getting to be alone and let my thoughts wander, and make phone calls to friends and family, and run errands without dragging the baby out of the car in the January cold. The constant feeling of attachment to the baby CAN be tiring, so I do understand the wide range of how mothers feel: some cannot bear to leave baby so quit their job, finances be damned- some stop work temporarily or find a less demanding one- and some really don't enjoy being home all day with kids, and are delighted to get back to the adult world. I understand all of that.

Off to playgroup!

Heading Back to Work Slowly but Surely...

2010-01-05T22:37:00.000-05:00

Oh man. Even though I have full confidence in our day care provider, it's tough to leave your kid. At least, right now it's tough. I hear it gets easier.
The glimpse I caught of my baby when I walked in today- he was just sitting in his crib, sort of looking out. He NEVER does that. (Well, turns out he had a poopy diaper, but...) He just looked so forlorn, and when he caught sight of me, he looked so relieved for a millisecond, then really upset, and he stood up to see me, and I think, to make sure I didn't leave his sight. He seemed pretty unhappy about this whole "leave me in a room full of strangers" thing.
His caretakers will soon be not-strangers, but right now, it's hard to think of my sensitive little baby feeling confused about where I am.
I guess this is just something you don't think too hard about.
And, one of the many ways in which it's hard to be a parent.

I'm leaving him for just a few hours for this week and next. The week after that, I'm back to work full time. My husband will do drop offs around 9, and I'll pick him up at 3:30, so he won't be there too too long at first. Maybe as he gets happier there, I'll do a quick gym stop and get him at 4, but I just feel so bad to not spend time with him. I've gotten very used to having him with me, and he's used to being with me. We are very, very freakin' happy together. If I did not have to go back to work, I'd be thrilled- but I feel that's financially risky to rely on one income. I appreciate this great job that I have, and I'm actually looking forward to going back, teaching my little dears, and contributing money to my family.

Just gotta focus on the positive.

Let's Have an Egg Fight: SAHM vs WOHM

2010-01-02T21:14:00.001-05:00

I know there is no such thing as SAHM vs. WOHM. But that was in the media in October (on Dr. Phil, and some lady said that if people didn't want to stay home with their kids, they shouldn't have them- “I wouldn’t outsource loving my husband, why would I outsource loving my kids?” and "“If a woman is so selfish she can’t stay at home with her kids, then maybe she just shouldn’t have them!”). I didn't really understand the whole debate, other than that each group thinks they have it harder than the other, so whatever. And, that some people think they're so great that they are qualified to judge the choices of others. Most people thought Dr. Phil was making an argument out of nothing, and I agree. Everyone makes their own life. If you're happy with your situation, you shouldn't be mad at strangers. (See this article from Dr. Phil's site.)

Husband: "Can you get that strap away from him?'
Me: "No- that's giving me at least ten free seconds."
(That exchange just happened- about the baby, obviously.)

But I was thinking, that for one of my first FC Mom vlogs (video blogs), we'd spoof that stupid debate by having an egg fight between the WOHMs and SAHMs that I know. Each team wears a certain color. Before the fight, we have a cocktail party and mingle, getting to know each other (oh, and the babies are invited too, husbands, I guess so). Then, we go into my backyard, and we fight! Or, we have an egg toss. Whichever team wins, they're the best.

Then after that we go back inside, keep drinking, and the men take care of the babies.

(If anyone wants to steal my idea, that's fine, because I'll probably never get around to making the video.)

Please also visit Annie at PhD in Parenting to read her response to the Dr. Phil show.

The image above is a Japanese postcard used in France in 1904. You can buy it for 100 bucks at vintagepostcards.com. It is an image of "Russo-Japanese War Throwing Eggs." Ya got me.

Vlog: Am I Camera Ready?

2010-01-02T08:55:00.000-05:00

I've had the idea for a few months to do video for FC Mom, but I was going to do it in talk show format. You know, invite my kooky* friends by for interviews. (Oooh, my friend Sam would make an AWESOME pregnancy interview. She should really host her own show, she's so fun.) I think I'd be a very good moderator because of my teaching experience and general willingness to boss around other adults. Maybe that could be one of my New Year's resolutions- to do more video. I have cute, tiny flip cam that's easy to use and relatively easy to edit.

My Twitter friend Sarah at onestarrynight.com just did her first vlog yesterday. I'm really proud of her for taking the plunge. It's making me want to try it too. Sarah's sweet and sincere personality is obvious in the video, and I love her Wisconsin-ish accent. (OK turns out she lives in Illinois.)

Vlogs are tough. The best ones, I believe, are pretty short. Daphne at Coolmom.com has it down pat... then again, she's a comedian and talk show host for TV Guide who speaks on camera for a living. That's my goal- to be as funny and smooth as Daphne- she's also sincere, like Sarah, but I visit Daphne chiefly for her humor and outgoing personality. She makes me feel happy. Also, I like knowing that a working mom can still be gorgeous and funny and frazzled and... her son is about the same age as mine, so it's fun to see what he's doing.

I tried to follow a local vlog by a guy, and it was SO BORING. The thing with a vlog, is that it can't just be the same stuff you'd write. It has to offer something extra. Whether it's a pretty face, a nice voice, great facial expressions and tone... if you are boring, and can't smile and laugh, stick to writing.

About vlogs being short- even those Momversation videos, which I like, and which Daphne participates in, can get a little long. Those are basically vlogs by several mom bloggers on a topic, spliced together, often as a "she said-she said" style. The ad before the Momversation takes a few seconds, which is annoying, then the cute graphics take a couple seconds- I don't have the patience for that. I'll take Sarah and Daphne's right to the point style, no cartoon graphics needed. (That said, if Momversation were to invite me for a v-visit? I'd accept! But they're probably not going to invite me, which is why I want to host my own show. Yes. That's my New Year's Resolution. FC Mom video. Oh God- I just had a really, really good idea for a spoof on "SAHM vs WOHM." Which is a crap non-debate, which is why I want to spoof it. I'm both a SAHM and a WOHM, sorta. Altho I think I say that just because I like to join ALL the clubs that I can.)

Anyway, a hearty pat on the back to ANYONE who dares vlog!

I Want to be a Natural Parent...

2009-12-31T20:35:00.000-05:00

But I don't think I am! Shoot! I like to be able to join ALL clubs! I'm serious. I am a joiner.

I'm trying to decide if I qualify to join the Carnival of Natural Parenting, a monthly series of posts on a chosen theme. I really want to participate by writing my own post on the theme of Parenting Resolutions, but I fear I will be rejected because I don't cloth diaper or spend a lot of time in nature.

Well, let's see if I am a natural parent. Maybe I am. This is from Dionna at Code Name Mama's site- she and Lauren at Hobo Mama run the monthly carnival.

What is Natural Parenting?

“Natural parenting” is based on a desire to live and parent responsively and consciously. While no two families who practice natural parenting may define it the same way, there are several principles that are widely agreed to be part of this lifestyle. These are ideals that natural parents tend to hold — even if we don’t always live up to all of them, we keep them in mind as goals.

1) Attachment/Responsive Parenting: Attachment parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting; practice exclusive and full-term breastfeeding if possible, and feed with love and respect regardless of whether it is at the breast, with a bottle, or beyond; respond with sensitivity; use nurturing touch (including babywearing and skin-to-skin contact); ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally (including bed sharing and co-sleeping, responsive nighttime parenting, and no “crying it out”); provide consistent and loving care; practice positive discipline (with no physical punishment); and strive for balance in personal and family life.

CHECK! I do all of this.

2) Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature: Families strive to reduce their ecological footprint by living consciously and making Earth-friendly choices, such as by choosing organic when possible, using cloth diapers or practicing elimination communication, supporting local economies, and so forth. Parents may choose to find toys and clothing made of natural fibers and materials. Families spend quality time outside enjoying the natural world.

I do try to go organic and shop locally. Check. But I don't mess around with cloth diapers. The husband forbid it. If I had a husband who was into that, I'd totally do it. BECAUSE I AM A JOINER. And cloth diapers are cute.

However, I also drive a gas guzzler and do not recycle. Thus, I fail at #2, and should probably work on the recycling to set a better example for my baby. Also, my husband and I rarely spend time outdoors. We are always on our laptops- me blogging, him writing computer programs. We probably need more balance with this.

3) Holistic Health Practices: Parents research medical choices and make educated decisions regarding all health care (vaccinations, medical interventions, medications, etc.). Many families choose to use alternative or natural healthcare such as herbal remedies, chiropractic care, natural childbirth, and so on.

I do this. Baby is going to daycare at ten months, so needs all his vax, but I researched, and we staggered the vax. I don't see homeopaths or anything, but I don't scoff at them. My BFF is a holistic doctor in Portland OR, and I do whatever she tells me (use NoseFrida, try acupuncture) so I think you can see I am hooked up into holistic health.

4) Natural Learning: Families spend time together, and children learn through everyday activities. Parents try to facilitate learning without “teaching,” to help children ask questions that develop thinking, to develop consideration for others without shaming or training, to give choices while guiding the children, to listen to instinctual cues, to honor emotions and desires, to allow development to take place in its own time, and to engender cooperation and harmony without manipulation. This might include the decision to pursue uncommon methods of education, such as alternative classrooms, home schooling, or unschooling.

I certainly do all the stuff in the first part of that paragraph. And I'd love to homeschool my little pookie poo, but there's the small problem that I am a public school teacher. We can't really afford to live in this area if I quit my job to homeschool my kids. This makes me think that to be a hard core "Natural Parent," I have to move somewhere cheaper. I married a guy from Long Island who is afraid of trees and open space, and we want to stay near his parents, so I'm pretty much in the NY-CT-NJ area for a while.

I do think I'm into Natural Learning though. I try to run my classroom in a very open-minded way, letting them choose their books, encouraging kindness, and not expecting all kids to learn the same way. I think that's kinda natural. I try to run my class like a little family- calm, busy, respectful, work hard on fun things that we enjoy- that's reading and writing, two things I love, and I model that for my students by showing them that I read and write in my daily life.

Incidentally, my sister is homeschooling this year, which I think is so cool.

Above all, natural parenting is making the choice to develop a deep bond with your children and family based on mutual respect. An attached child grows into a mature and interdependent individual who understands how to develop healthy, secure relationships with others.

Well I do that. So am I a natural parent? I think so. Who are these unnatural parents though- the ones that sleep train, spank, shame, and pack the kids off with a nanny? I'm not that, for sure. I'm not sure I completely fit the natural parent mold, but it's certainly one I admire and count among the best styles.

I think I am gonna try and join this carnival! I really want to post about my parenting resolutions, and I'll use my failures with #2 to start off.

Oh, is the husband gonna have some opinions about this.

I'm still not sure I'm a natural parent. I don't ACTIVELY strive for these values- the ones I do are the ones that match my personality, and the ones I don't do are things I don't feel passionate about, like nature or recycling. Hm.

OK, I know I need to recycle, but I have to like, call and order my town's special recycling bin, which involves looking up a number, and last I heard there was a wait list. OK. Fine. I'll get the bin. It's actually not a bin. It is a HUGE, rolling trash can almost as tall as me. And truly, we don't even have room for the bin in our driveway, so I have no idea where I'd put it. Sigh. Honestly, 4 adults could fit in that recycling can. It won't fit in our garage, and the (enormous, rolling, town-issued) trash can takes up the only space in our driveway, and even then, I always almost hit it pulling out of the garage. Can you sort of see why I don't recycle?

I Approve of "Indiscreet" Breastfeeding

2009-12-30T01:09:00.000-05:00

I really, really loved this article: "From Bashful to Brazen: The Indiscreet Breastfeeder's Manifesto." After a stressful experience where she was chastised by an older woman for feeding her screaming infant in the grocery store, the author becomes- well, a lactivist, I'd say. Someone who promotes breastfeeding by doing it in public. (And thereby normalizing it.)

I felt very proud of this woman for standing up for herself and her baby. A nursing mother should not have to hide away. It's so silly that some people are freaked out about breastfeeding. If an adult can't glance at another adult who's FEEDING A BABY AND PROPAGATING THE HUMAN RACE- well, that person can take a leap off a cliff as far as I'm concerned.

Here's author Sundae Horn's manifesto:
Indiscreet Breastfeeding Manifesto

I will nurse my child anytime, anywhere, no matter who is present or what I am wearing.
I will bare my breast with pride and confidence.
I will not apologize for nourishing and nurturing my child.
I will not smother my child with a napkin or blanket.
I will smile at everyone around me and ignore rude stares.
I will know that I am giving my child the perfect infant food from the most efficient, ecological, and economical delivery system.
I will know that I am giving my child the healthy start that is his or her birthright.
I will set an example for women and girls, educate the public, dispel breastfeeding myths, desexualize the breast, and make the world a better place, all through the simple act of feeding my child.

I love it. I pretty much do this too.

I would not say I "bare my breast" on purpose- I do try to latch the kid on quickly. But I'm not going to act like I'm SMUGGLING HEROIN INTO THAILAND when I'm just nursing, so I'm not going to try desperately to hide myself. My husband is not as bonkers as me about public breastfeeding, but he and I have very different aesthetics in general, so I try not to get upset that he's not as lactivist as I am. He doesn't love it when I breastfeed in restaurants, and he's entitled to his opinion. But when I'm out without him, I'm sure to breastfeed at will. Sorry, honey.

But yeah, I pretty quickly became a lactivist once I started breastfeeding- not that I'm going to tell other moms how to feed their babies- but in the same way, I don't want anyone telling me where and how to feed my kid.

It's handy that most of the moms I'm friends with, I met in my hospital's new moms group, which is run by a lactation consultant. All of us breastfed for at least the first few months. We went out for lunch after moms' group and broke out the nursing covers, learning how to breastfeed in public together. It was so cool. Most of them went back to work when their babies were three months old and most did not choose the rigors of pumping- I totally understand that. Pumping is exhausting and annoying. It's a true luxury to get to stay home with your kid and breastfeed at your leisure. Anyone who criticizes a working mom for not pumping deserves a brick to the head. (Oh shoot did I just say that? I watch too much true crime TV. What I mean is, it's hard to make breastfeeding work when you go back to work, especially if that job is not flexible.) Just as I am protective of nursing moms, I'm also protective of moms who decide to use formula.

Here's a segment from Sundae's article:

Since that day, I have nursed openly in some pretty amusing situations, including during an eye exam and while taking the written test for my driver's license. Neither the optometrist nor the DMV examiner asked me to stop. In fact, both were encouraging, if a little embarrassed, saying that it was a first for them, but that I should just go ahead and do what was best for my baby.
I have nursed while getting my hair cut and my oil changed. I have nursed in libraries, museums, and malls, at weddings and parties, in stores and waiting rooms, in line at the grocery store, and while waiting on customers in the bookstore where I work. Not to mention in restaurants, airports, parks, zoos, and the Morehead City Seafood Festival beer garden (I had juice, of course). Once I made myself at home on the patio furniture display at K-Mart. Another time I sat on the edge of the dairy case at the grocery store; a passing manager assured me I could sit there as long as I needed.

I think that's pretty friggin' cool.

Where have I nursed? On airplanes, in line at the airline ticket counter when baby was freaking and I was NOT about to let someone else get the seat I wanted, and at the emergency room while they were putting an IV in the baby when he was dehydrated from vomiting. He was screaming bloody murder, and one of the nurses shoved a pacifier at him. "He won't take that," I snapped, super frazzled, then I got the idea to give him the boob (the original pacifier). I leaned over the bed and tried to nurse him while 4 nurses stepped over and around me trying different things to get a vein. It was quite a scene, but the breast stopped the baby's screaming for a few seconds at least. Poor thing. Later on, one of the nurses goes, "That was really cool what you did." I got a lot of positive support from the nurses that day, including one who held the baby so I could pump, since he wasn't wanting to eat. That was in California, where I think they're pretty into breastfeeding. Here's a pic of him and me at the ER the SECOND time.

I dunno. I just don't think breastfeeding is something that should make other people upset or angry to see. I don't think kids are freaked out by it. Adolescent boys, maybe, but we certainly can't run the world based on the likes and dislikes of teen boys.

What kind of people are freaked out about breastfeeding? Just people I wouldn't like anyway, right?

I know I talk about breastfeeding, but I do it a million times a day, so it's on my mind.

Pretty But Unsafe Nursery: Silly Designers!

2009-12-29T21:50:00.000-05:00

My husband and I had a good chuckle at this totally unsafe nursery that is one of Ohdeedoh's top nursery tours of the year.

The caption states cheerfully, "We spotted this fresh room by an Urban Outfitters designer for his first daughter and had to show it to you. It's full of fun stuff including a funky mural, zebra rug, and a bird mobile made by designer friends at Anthropologie. Charley Mae is one lucky girl!"

Reader comments include, "looks great. crib looks like a death trap," and "i like the idea of this room, but it screams safety hazard! not only are the crib rails too far apart, but the crib is positioned directly under a window! this is not a safe place for a crib. also the table and shelving under the other window looks like a ladder to disaster!"

Ladder to disaster! Ha! I must admit I found that funny. I hadn't noticed the shelving that leads right up to the window sill until that comment. And honestly I didn't notice the railing spacing either... I was just loving the yellow. Yellow. That's gonna be my nursery color theme for my next baby, who is sure to be a girl, just because. Although truly I love boys, so I'll be OK with whatever. I'd just like another baby at some point in the next couple years. I'm not getting any younger, and in fact, I'll be 35 in less than two months!!!

Anyway, I found it funny that the designer of this nursery seems to have taken pains to make it as unsafe as possible. How can you get that far in designing a nursery and give so little thought to safety? I hope the baby is not yet born, and that the parents are only going to be that clueless for only a short time.

Am I a Helicopter Parent? (Or, In Praise of Hand Sanitizer)

2009-12-28T13:30:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite bloggers, Annie at Phd in Parenting (excellent content, informational and opinionated), has a definition of a type of parent in a post about her recent vacation:

Helicopter parents: These parents hover over their children and their every experience on vacation. They are always armed with hand sanitizer, life jackets and sun block, even while holding their child’s hand in the just-been-cleaned ankle-deep shaded part of the baby pool. Some keep their kids securely on a harness, in a stroller, or in a high chair at all times. They take the burgers from the buffet and bring them to the grill for extra grilling. They bring bottled water, juice boxes and bed sheets from home because the ones at the resort are not good enough.

I am FAR too lazy to bring my own sheets and food, but everything else sounds about right. Hand sanitizer, safety equipment, being careful that Q doesn't get hurt, keeping him in a high chair or stroller if I don't trust that the environment is clean or baby-proof... but is that bad? I think I am just safety conscious. I believe it's my duty to keep him safe. Why SHOULD I trust anyone or anything else to keep him safe? I don't. And sunburns are BAD.

I think it's important, of course, to not go too far. I think helicoptering is bad if it prevents the parent or kid from enjoying life. A kid needs to be able to explore, which might include some bumps and face plants. Right now, for example, I'm ignoring the Q as I blog while he explores our (mostly) babyproofed room. And my goal, after he's asleep, is to go to the gym. Yes, I do trust his Dad to care for him, and I do think he needs to learn to be away from me. Maybe I'm not a total helicopterer?

Only the end part of Annie's definition- the bringing of sheets and food- sounds excessive to me- and maybe the constant hand sanitizing- UNLESS you're talking about the pen at the prescription counter at CVS. You think I'm going to touch THE ONE PEN THAT EVERY SICK PERSON IN TOWN HAS TOUCHED? SERIOUSLY? A few days ago, I told the cashier, "Can you forge my signature, because I am NOT touching that pen." And then the guy in line behind me touched the "accept" button for me when he saw me trying to find something to press the keypad with so I didn't have to use my hands. Sorry. I'm a TEACHER. I KNOW that surfaces get disgustingly dirty, and I'm not going to be the one to catch the cold or flu. (I didn't have hand sanitizer with me, so I didn't want to touch anything, because those are the same hands that have to put the baby in his carseat, which inevitably involves touching his hands, which always go in his mouth. That's not crazy, OK, that's just SMART.)

Now, here's another definition of helicopter parenting, from Wikipedia:

Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children. It is also called "overparenting". Parents try to resolve their child's problems, and try to stop them coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations

So, if helicoptering means you never let your kid experience failure, I don't want to do that. They need to stumble a little before they can walk... you get the metaphor. They'll need to bicker with friends, cry a little when you leave them to go to work, not always get what they want. I think as a parent it's hard to see what looks like your kid suffering, but they have to do that to learn sometimes. The only thing I'm completely against, at least for this baby of mine, is letting him cry at bedtime. I don't think that will teach him to sleep. It's hard though. He wakes up so much at night. I am reading books about it and trying to figure out what to do...

But in the meantime, I'll be sanitizing my hands at the CVS, and I will NOT be using the same pen to sign in at the pediatrician's office that EVERY OTHER PARENT OF A SICK KID HAS USED. No, I carry my own pen, or I just don't sign in.

Pregnancy Exercise Videos

2009-12-27T09:26:00.000-05:00

I bought a bunch of exercise DVDs, but I think my favorite exercise video was Gabby Reece's Complete Fit and Healthy Prenatal Workout. The video has workouts for each month, and she was right around that month pregnant when she made each segment, so you see her getting bigger and bigger just as you are getting bigger. That's probably one of the coolest things about this video.

But the exercises are pretty excellent too. They're interesting, challenging but not impossible, and each segment is 15 minutes plus a warm up. Pretty darn doable. I actually wish each segment were longer, and I think that's testament to how enjoyable the video is. To make it more effective, though, I'd often pause the video and do more reps, or add in extra exercises. However, on those days when I wasn't too ambitious, I'd just let it run through and still feel like I'd done my job!

It kind of sucks that for my next pregnancy, I bet I'll have way less time to workout. I can barely make myself do my physical therapy hip/pelvis exercises while I play with the baby on the floor. Oh well. But you know, I bet I'll do my Gabby Reece video!

Eventually I'll try to post on my other less fabulous DVDs, but I'll quickly tell you, I also did the Shiva Rea Prenatal Yoga DVD (enh), the video by the wife of Desperate Housewives' James Denton (she works you HARD, holy crap!), and the DVDs by some ex-Cirque de Soleil gymnasts (exercises felt very odd on my body, and they gave CRAPPY directions).

Really, the Gabby Reece one is awesome, because her trainer trains her, so he's giving her directions and she does the moves, rather than HER telling you how to do it. She does offer her own tips as she's doing the exercises. Yup, I think it was the best one. It does require light hand weights and an exercise ball, and I just modified for ones that required exercise bands that I didn't have.

Buy it on Amazon here.

Let's Gossip: Dumb Questions for Non-Christian Moms at Christmas Time!

2009-12-26T08:49:00.000-05:00

I liked this post from a local mom blogger. It's called "Setting the Record Straight" and starts, "Some responses to questions and comments non-Christian people tend to get this time of year (more than you think!)." I love that she lists the clueless things that people ask a Jewish person about Christmas. I mean, sure, it's OK to ask questions, but I do think people should check themselves a little and consider that they might not be the first person to ask, "Don't you celebrate Christmas even a little bit?" or suggest that maybe their children would enjoy celebrating Christmas.

Ever since I was pregnant, and got asked the same questions and offered the same opinions over and over, I try harder to think about the questions I ask people about themselves and their family.

(Apologies to the friend and her husband I tactlessly asked the other day, "So, are you guys gonna have more kids?" That was after a glass of wine. Or was it a margarita? Yes, margarita. Then wine.)

So thanks, blogger Amy, for giving me a heads up on dumb things NOT to ask Jewish people at Christmas! (Amy happens to be a working mom, so I'm looking forward to reading a blog by another working mom.)

The pregnant questions:
"Are you going to find out the gender?"
(Then, if I say yes, people said, "Oh, but it's so much fun to wait!" I found that SO annoying. Both strangers and friends did that to me. Rrrr.)
And, pregnancy feels so long ago that I can't remember any other questions. I didn't mind being asked if we picked a name, because a yes or no answer didn't ever elicit unasked for advice- rather, it often elicited interesting stories from the asker.

Quick Opinions on Parenting

2009-12-23T17:10:00.001-05:00

(Because I'll NEVER get the time to write whole posts on the following topics.)

-- I like having pediatricians who don't tell me how and when to feed my baby and where he should sleep. If I want to nurse him at night I will. BUTT OUT.

Some old-fashioned peds are really weird about breastfeeding. They ask me how often I feed him a day, and I've realized that they think "Oh, I don't know, whenever," sounds weird. (Why must I count? Who cares? If he acts hungry, I feed him.) So, now I just say a number that sounds small but often. Today I said, "Five." Last month I said, "Like, six or seven." Because that's what one of them suggested the month before that when I said I didn't really know.

--You never know how you're going to feel about things until you are actually a parent. It's a whole new world. For ex, I never knew I'd feel so strongly about breastfeeding. I also didn't know I'd feel ok about going back to work when the baby was ten months, but being broke is a great motivator. Although, if I think back, that may have been part of my reasoning- the longer I waited, the more the need to work would be clear. I also never knew how having a kid would change my focus- ok maybe I did know, but I couldn't know what a radical shift it would be. I mean, I'm COOKING- and I hate cooking. Now that's radical.

--I should start carrying my laptop with me in the car, because that thought above seemed WAY deeper 6 hours ago.

--It's harder to go all out for Christmas when you have a kid to drag around. I commend people who can still pull it all together. It's not worth it for me to drag the baby out in the cold, so some people might get late or crappy gifts. I think they will understand.

--I'm having a lot of fun following breastfeeding Canadians on Twitter and really hard core Attachment Parents, too. I would not ever label myself an "Attachment Parent," even though I'm a member of the local Attachment Parenting group, because I don't want to feel pressured to meet a checklist. Like, I don't cloth diaper or do elimination communication, but I do breastfeed and cosleep when I feel like it, and I do listen to baby's cry as a signal. Part of me would like to live that hardcore lifestyle, but I do not have the energy, nor does my husband incline toward the crunchy. Oh, also, babywearing is one of the tenets of AP. I adore babywearing.

--It was so fun seeing my friend today, one of my BFFs from college. She's back on the east coast from Oregon, and it was great to spend time with her and her kids and husband and her parents and siblings who I've known for almost fourteen years now. After she put her 11 mo old to bed, she gave me a haircut. She finished, and it looked ok, but she seemed worried about the back. I told her it was fine, that I really needed to get going, and she nervously agreed. I sat down to breastfeed, and she rushed over and said, "I'm just going to trim the back while you're sitting." She snipped frantically for a minute or so, then said, "Well, if I ruined it, you'll just have to go get that professional cut that you wanted." I laughed so hard that I wept, mostly because it was great to remember that my calm, caring, nurturing friend, a doctor by profession, is also a TOTAL SPAZ.

The wash and cut felt great, and I totally made her little sister wear my baby in the ERGO during the cut. And her brother, also in his early twenties, carried the baby around awhile too. It was so nice to have the extra, willing hands. And then the baby slept the whole hour long trafficky ride home. It was a perfect day after a night of horrible sleep.

--Oh- and it was so good to spend time with another mother- and father- and it was great to see them interact and see my friends as parents. They met in college, so I've also known him for a good 13 years.

--I'll post pics from the day later, because I got some cute ones, I think.

Holiday Pressure: I'm Broke, So It's Off!

2009-12-21T19:48:00.000-05:00

I was heading to physical therapy today and noted the crush of stressed out drivers at one of our local shopping hell holes.
That's right- Christmas is Friday, I thought, quite detached from the scene.
Part of that detachment is that I'm home with a baby all day. I'm not around energetic, accomplished adults who are raring to buy gifts and go all out for the holiday season. I'm sure I'd be way more swept up in the excitement if I were around people all day who felt that way, but my nine month old baby is CLUELESS!
Another reason I am putting very little pressure on myself to buy perfect gifts this year is that because of my ten month maternity leave, we do NOT have extra money. I'm pretty much buying one simple present for each person in my life, and that's it.

Sure, one reason I'm not stressed is that I'm not yet trying to balance working with caring for my baby and paying attention to the husband, but I do think I have consciously "opted out" of Christmas this year. Not really by choice, but it's just not an option for me to head out to Lord and Taylor to buy more gifts. I have acknowledged it and accepted it, and I don't feel bad about it.

I will head tomorrow to buy something little for the babe's daycare teachers and my physical therapist though.

Another way I'm letting myself off the hook this year is not feeling like I have to search for the "perfect" gift, because those are usually pricy. I am OK this year with "good enough" gifts that I can afford. (Part of me does wish I'd worked harder to find perfect gifts, but I'd rather focus on getting my family and me ready for the transition coming up in four weeks when I go back to work. Pumping breastmilk, cleaning house, taking care of details, etc.)

I worry that I sound like a self-centered person in this post, but I fear what will happen if I overextend myself right before I jump into the stress of going back to work.

I do admit, it feels kind of good to see other people freaking out, but not be freaking out myself. It's not that I feel superior to those people or anything. It just highlights how thankful I am not to be in a frenzy this week like some of the shoppers I'm seeing.

Brazil, What's Your Problem?

2009-12-18T08:03:00.000-05:00

Why can't Brazil just give that guy back his kid? The wife kidnapped the boy, ran away to Brazil and remarried, then she died. Why should the OTHER GUY get to keep the kid? Brazil should have handed over the boy years ago. I'm sick of hearing "What's best for the kid." As a parent, I can tell you, your kid is yours. What's best for the parent matters, too. Don't argue with me. Brazil has a lot of OTHER kids they should be worrying about. That is one messed up country.

Although, we did go there for our honeymoon and had a BLAST!

Disclaimer: I just saw one news snippet about this, and read about it a year ago. I don't really know anything about this case. I just wanted to tell Brazil to SHOVE IT.

See this article from yesterday.

This case makes me sick. I didn't even read the article because it is so painful for me to think about. I do acknowledge that the Brazilian family will miss the boy, but TOO BAD. Don't marry kidnappers.

But listen, Brazil is gorgeous. Here's a pic of Paraty, an old gold town on the coast.

Also, Portuguese is IMPOSSIBLE to understand, and it's NOTHING like Spanish.

Toys That Make Your Baby Stupider

2009-12-17T07:57:00.000-05:00

My husband would disagree with me and tell me to lighten up, but I truly believe some toys make your baby smarter, and some make them stupider. (And you should know, I am certified to teach K-8, so you should trust me at least a little. Just ignore my husband.)

Here's one I think makes a kid smarter: Plan Toys Punch and Drop. My 8 month old learned how to put the ball in the hole, then bop it through with his hand. It was hard at first, but then he developed the coordination to hold the ball long enough to get it to the hole, then place it on the hole without it falling off the box, and finally to easily bop the ball through in one slap. (It comes with a hammer to punch them through, but we're saving that for later and just using our hands right now.)

Contrast this with many toys we are given that just make a bunch of electronic noises and spit out words he doesn't know when he presses a meaningless button. I'm not going to name any toys because I sound bitchy enough without offending any specific people who gave us gifts.

These pointless toys might keep the baby busy for a few minutes, but they are not teaching him any skills, besides maybe holding another plastic toy in his hand. He doesn't return to those toys like he returns to the toys he can do something understandable with.

Also, I'm a really anti-clutter kind of person, so it's important to me that the stuff we DO have is valuable in some way. Either it's pretty, or funny, or useful, or educational. I'm constantly culling items and evaluating whether or not we need or want them. I don't feel bad about trashing toys that no longer seem useful to me, even ones that I've bought. Of course, I keep stuff for him if I think he'll like it when he's older, and I keep stuff for the next baby.

I'm the same way with my classroom. I don't keep anything extra in there. With 25 kids and me, there is enough going on without extra stuff. I'm constantly trashing my papers, books, and supplies that I no longer need. If I come across something I probably won't ever use again, or can find online, TRASH. BYE BYE. The room has to have flow to work. Every minute at work is precious. I need a clear, uncluttered space to get work quickly so I can get home to my baby. It's incredible how much you can accumulate in ten years of teaching. If you don't unclutter, you end up with binders of lessons you will never use again- and often, multiple copies of those lessons.

I'm starting to feel the same way about my house. We have SO- MUCH- CRAP. I can't really throw away my husband's computer wires, or my favorite books, or boxes of pasta. We might need those. Crappy baby toys are an easy area for me to pare down, so I do. I can see those with a utilitarian purpose. If he doesn't play with the toy now, and I don't see it as having future value, I get rid of it. I refuse to feel bad about that. In this modern world, you have to protect yourself against the influx of stuff, whether it be bad toys or junk mail (or your own tendancy to buy books- me).

I'm just saying. There are enough crappy electronic toys at my baby's daycare. At home, we need to have good toys so he doesn't get stupid. (Plus, why would I want to listen to these talking toys?)

Note: If you like stupid electronic toys, I'm not saying your baby is stupid. I'm saying he's missing learning opportunities, and maybe will be .005% less smart than he should be. Also, maybe toddlers benefit more from these toys. I'm just talking babies here.

Other note: Not all talking toys are bad. My parents are getting the baby that talking Leapfrog Table for Christmas. I'm OK with that because it helps him to stand and there are activities on the top of the table that I think he'll understand how to do.

Also, a toy doesn't have to be quiet to be a good toy. We liked our Kaleidodisk (on right) from our dear friends Wendy and Christoper, and we like the silly singing Snoopy my parents got us.

As with all parenting decisions, each baby is different, each parent is different, and each home is different. This is how I feel about the baby toys for our home! I understand that with older kids, more than one kid, etc, there are different factors in what makes a toy valuable.

Babywearing in Winter

2009-12-13T05:16:00.000-05:00

Here's us at Cove Island Beach in Stamford CT in November. It wasn't even that cold, but on Long Island Sound, it was windy and chilly.

I'm a big babywearer. It started when Q was little. I did not want to grocery shop with him in the stroller because I was a germ freak and people were always ALL UP IN HIS BEESWAX. I did not want anyone to breathe on him or God forbid TOUCH him. Enter, babywearing!
We used a sling, then the Moby Wrap, and now we're onto the ERGO Baby, which is covered in food and snot but sees too heavy daily use to actually get washed.

So far, we've made it through mid-December with me just wrapping my coat around him and sticking a hat on him, but there are a couple problems.

1. The only coat that fits around us is my men's ski jacket from 1991. (No offense, jacket, because you've served me well, but I want to babywear more stylishly now.)
2. Even when I stick a hat on the babe, the space between his face and my chest is exposed- essentially, both of our necks are exposed.

I have been researching and have found two options.
1. This Baby Burrow poncho, right, which seems really cozy.

2. This Peekaru vest, which when I saw on a lady in the street a couple weeks ago, was very unflattering. (Maybe it will look better on me.)

I was leaning toward the poncho because it looks like a big cozy blankie. However, a cool online Canadian babywearing boutique (called Parenting by Nature) that I follow on Twitter only carries the Peekaru vest and hasn't heard of the poncho. If the expert uses the vest, maybe I should too. Now that I think about it, the poncho, in wind, would blow and expose the baby's leg and my back. The vest, although it makes you look like an apple, completely encloses your bottom half AND both your and the baby's neck. Parenting by Nature said the vest transitions nicely from fall to winter to spring.

I realize I seem obsessed with babywearing products: first the Kokopax, now a carrier cover. I don't mean to seem materialistic. Truly, the product I have now- the fabulous ERGO- does not meet all of my babywearing needs. I need the kid to be warm (Peekaru) and I need a back carry that does make me feel like leaning forward on my messed up hips.

My dear parents have offered to get me the vest or poncho for Xmas (and the Kokopax). The husband says we should instead ask them to get us a baby gate for the fireplace, but I'd rather just park my butt in front of the fireplace and monitor the kid. This babywearing is a quality of life and comfort issue for me. It's not my problem that the husband would prefer to monitor the baby from the comfort of the couch with laptop, rather than on the floor where he climbs all over you. When money is scarce, you gotta pick your perks.

Babywearing is so handy to me in so many ways- snuggle if he's fussy but I need to get laundry done, wear him upright when he's congested or has fluid in his ears, wear him while making dinner if he's tired and doesn't want to be put down, wear him close to me in a crowded place, snuggle him in the cold...

(Here's me wearing him at the super-crowded Pike Place Market in Seattle in August! He fell sound asleep.)

Ideally, I'd love both the poncho and vest to have options, but with me not getting a paycheck until Feb 1, we do not have that extra cash. If I have to go with one, I think the vest makes the most sense.

New Obsession: Kokopax Back Carrier

2009-12-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

My other personal blog, Fancy Pancakes, has regularly featured an "Obsessions" category. It has included:

BOB jogging stroller, Bugaboo Cameleon, a babywearing poncho, the color orange, the Obamas, and Guitar Hero.

This is the very first obsession for my new mom blog:

THE KOKOPAX BACK CARRIER.

I forgot where I first read about it. Probably some random website, one of those zillion "Mom Blogs" that is not a Mom Blog so much as a series of ads for products, which I think is a waste of time.

Anyway, here's why I need this carrier.

1. I stil have pelvis issues, and I wear my ERGO all the time, but the front carry pulls my pelvis forward, and the back carry puts the baby too low. The Kokopax puts the baby up higher on my back, which my physical therapist says would be good.
2. I babywear all the time. I need another carrier so my body is not always being pulled in one direction.
3. I think the baby would like it.
4. I think I'd be able to blog while wearing him.
5. No one else around here has it, and I'd be the envy of all the other moms.

My dear parents have offered to buy me the Kokopax for Xmas. (YOU ROCK, MOM AND DAD!!!) Now I'm just trying to figure out if I should wait for the 2010 model, which comes with a waistbelt. It's not up on the Kokopax website yet, so I have 2 emails in to them demanding info. I also need to know if the 2010 model has better shoulder straps, because online it says, "This carrier features the most advanced technology in shoulder strap construction and a stowable, padded waist belt for added comfort." I don't want CRAPPY shoulder strap technology if that's what the 2009 model has. Kokopax better get back to me soon, because this IS my current obsession, and you do not want to be the person who gets in the way of my current obsession.

Transitioning from SAHM to WOHM...

2009-12-11T08:29:00.000-05:00

It’s certainly easy to talk about cool baby products than feelings, but here goes.

Feelings after a long maternity leave:

It’s hard to be upset about going back to work when my baby is ten months, because most of the mothers I know went back at 3 months. I would not have been ready at 3 months. At 3 months, I was still crying about having to put my baby in daycare at ten months. Now, he’s 8.5 months, and we are so financially uncomfortable that I’m thankful I have a stable, enjoyable, relatively well-paying job to go back to. I’m happy to take the full financial burden off my husband, although I am devastated to spend over 8 hours a day away from my baby. I get tears in my eyes just typing that.

I’m trying to enjoy my last 5 weeks. That means time with the baby. I no longer feel the need to seek out adult company during the day, because I’ll get that in January when I go back to teaching.

I feel bad because I’m sort of avoiding a nice group of SAHMs that I’ve known for quite a few months. I can meet up with one or two SAHMs, but when they are in a big group and talking about future plans that only SAHMs can do (like cloth diapering, weekday play groups, etc.) I start to feel bitter. I don’t feel bitter toward them. I feel bitter about my own situation, and that’s not how I want to feel these last 5 weeks. I don’t want to feel envious. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. Ultimately I know I am lucky, and I want to focus on what I do have rather than what I don’t have.

I also tell myself, that by going back when this baby is young, it means we can afford another one sooner rather than later. And I do really like this teaching job that I have.

What saves me, and makes me feel not alone, is the group of moms I meet up with every Saturday. I met them through my local hospital’s mothers group when our babies were teeny. They all went back to work at 3-4 months, but we had so much fun those first few months together, and we have continued our playdates even though they are all working full-time, demanding jobs. I’m the only one who has gotten this long leave. I feel lucky that I’ll have their support when I go back.

I don’t mean this post to sound critical of SAHMs. I want to BE a stay-at-home mom. That’s like, my dream, but that does not work for my husband’s and my situation right now. In this economy, I feel lucky to have this job to return to just in case something happens to his job.

I have LOVED this stay-at-home life. I knew I would. Although I am very, very social, I’m also a homebody who needs time to decompress. I do that through reading and writing… which I’m doing now as my baby naps. Sigh. I’d be a really good SAHM... but I don't feel as jealous of my SAHM friends as I thought I would. Whew! I thought I'd be a mess this last month of maternity leave, but I'm OK.

Chime In: Great Moments in Pumping

2009-12-05T09:09:00.000-05:00

A friend posted on facebook, "Pumping on bathroom floor of a mental hospital." She's training in the medical field, so...
I was wondering what other crazy places you've pumped, or other pumping achievements?

So far, all I can offer is, I pumped during a crazy time in which my baby was vomiting a ton over a few days. I was on vacation in CA, so I had to locate a breastpump. I called around frantically to local hospitals, who gave me the home number of their lactation consultant, then I borrowed my sister's minivan to drive to the LC's house to get a quick lesson in pumping. And then I was off! I was so thankful for that Medela Lactina pump and that there was someone who could rent me one less than ten minutes from my sister's house.

Escapism: Beautiful Baby Rooms

2009-12-04T10:03:00.001-05:00

One of my favorite baby design blogs is Ohdeedoh by Apartment Therapy. They feature beautifully designed baby rooms that can give you some great ideas for your own nursery. I designed my nursery around some orange striped sheets from Giggle and a cool poster with orange and purple in it, but if I have a girl baby, I'm going to base it on the sheets I saw in this room:

That yellow is awesome! I see online that people are saying the bedding is rough, so maybe I won't get that bedding, but I WILL have that yellow, because it goes with the light blue paint we already have in the baby's room... not that I'm still hoping we'll be in this rental when we have our next baby, but...

Anyway, hit the Ohdeedoh site when you need inspiration! They feature lots of furniture, products, and crafts to make the crap that comes with having a baby not quite so ugly.

FC Mom Dot Com Begins

2009-12-04T09:26:00.000-05:00

I've had this domain name for over 2 years, long before I was pregnant, because I knew I'd want to blog about mom stuff in the future.

In fact, I got this domain name when I started my other blog, stamfordtalk.com, which has been such a blast to work on over the past 2 and half years. In the lifespan of that blog, I made tons of local contacts, got featured in the local papers and mentioned in the NY Times, appeared on Fox TV's Kitchen Nightmares, and got to watch Robert DeNiro film a movie in town. That blog added so much to my life. In a way, I got to live out my lifelong dream of being a journalist.

But now, with an 8 month old baby, I don't have the time to gallivant around town, stalking movie scenes, nor do I have the cash to eat at and review all the local restaurants! I think it's finally time for fcmom.com. I'll still write on Stamford Talk about local issues, but I need an outlet for all of the opinions and experiences I'm amassing that I don't think my Stamford Talk readers will be as interested in.

I've thought for a while about what would separate this blog from the thousands of other blogs by mothers about the daily and philosophical issues that come with parenting. Like the other blogs, I'll talk about cute toys and current events. I'll share my opinions and reflections. I'll review products. I'll talk about my own kid a little (but not much, because I have his own blog for him). I guess what makes it different is that the place I live, Fairfield County Connecticut, will also figure into the mix. I'll review some local stores and talk about issues relating to the very expensive, competitive nature of this area. I don't want to go ONLY local though, because I want to become world famous. Also, after a while, there are only so many local things to write about...

Crap. Now I've got to start composing some posts!

I'd forgotten how much work it takes to start a new blog. I have to play with my layout, add links, customize stuff (add a "click here to read more" button), and add widgets that tell me how many hits I'm getting.... ugh. And all this must be done during naptimes. This site might be very ugly for a while.