Words for the Worst Situation

In the early days with your baby, you worry about SIDS.
When they start to approach a year, you think you're safe.

Well, two weeks ago, one of the kids my baby attended daycare with passed away in his sleep at home. He was just 3 days older than my baby and had just turned one. It was shocking news. I'm not really sure of the cause of death, but he was not ill. I shed many tears for that little boy's parents and for the unfairness of life that takes away something so precious. I didn't blog about it earlier because I didn't feel I had anything adequate to say.

Today I just want to point out a website that tells you what NOT to say to someone who has lost a child. The post is called “When a friend’s child dies. Part 2: What not to say.” It’s written by Kristine McCormick, who lost her days old daughter, Cora, to undiagnosed congenital heart disease.

I like that Kristine tells you not just what NOT to say, but what you can say INSTEAD. I know I was really nervous about what to say to the baby’s parents at the wake, but I wanted to go so they knew that I was thinking about them and that I’d miss their son. In the end I kept it simple, saying how sorry I was and that I was thinking of them every day, and would continue to think of them every day. It was certainly the truth.

Kristine’s site, Cora's Story, is a good resource. If you find yourself in the same situation as me, maybe you can use it to get ready to talk to the parent who has lost a child. I know I felt like I had NOTHING valuable to say, so I tried to think ahead of time what I'd say. This site would have been helpful because it lists more sensitive things to say to grieving parents.

You can also check out another post by Kristine, “When a friend's child dies. Part 1: How can I help? What to do when your friend’s baby or child dies.” What an awful thing to think about, but as I recently was reminded, these horrible things DO happen to people we know..

I appreciate that Kristine has a whole site set up for Cora's memory, for raising awareness of congenital heart disease, and for helping other people.